In many countries, the government prioritizes economic growth above all other concerns. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages and give your own opinion.
Nowadays, for many governments around the
globe
the Add a comma
globe,
priority
is the growth of their economies above all
. In this
essay, I will argue that the increase of
Change preposition
in
job
positions is the main benefit and the loss of cultural
and traditions is the main drawback.
The main advantage of governments focusing on financial improvement for their nations is that Replace the word
culture
this
brings more job
opportunities for their citizens. This
is because as the financial situation improves, companies are willing to hire more staff. Moreover
, new corporations will relocate their business to that particular country. As a result
, the job
market for many professionals will be expanded and individuals will have more job
opportunities. China is a good example of this
as since the last
twenty years with their economic improvement, several companies such
as Tesla and Apple factories have moved to this
country, which contributed to the raise
of 50 new million Correct your spelling
rise
job
positions.
On the other hand
, the main negative effect of this
situation is that the state will allocate a lower budget for other topics such
as culture and aboriginal knowledge. This
is because of the swift priority
to other issues. As a result
, the cultural knowledge of that country will be in danger. For instance
, since the introduction of a capitalist government in South Korea, many of the minority groups and traditional languages were lost as those were not a priority
to fund and teach at school. Instead
, the priority
was to train children in math and science. In my opinion, the culture of every nation should be maintained and preserved for future generations.
In conclusion, many officials around the globe have the main priority
to support their economies instead
of other areas. The main positive effect of this
is that it generates new income for their people and the main disadvantage is that their cultural background can be lost as they are less funded.Submitted by bayan.kf on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Effective use of transitional devices or linking words will contribute to a more cohesive essay.
Task Achievement
While the main points are supported to some extent, focus on strengthening the depth of analysis to provide a more comprehensive discussion. This will reinforce your argument and show a thorough understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
Consider improving the clarity and expression of ideas. Ensure that all sentences are clear and avoid ambiguity to boost comprehension.
Coherence and Cohesion
Good introduction and conclusion, which are crucial for presenting and wrapping up the discussion succinctly.
Task Achievement
Effective use of relevant examples, such as the case of China and South Korea, adds depth and validity to the argument.
Task Achievement
The essay clearly addresses the task and discusses both advantages and disadvantages, showcasing an understanding of the question.
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