Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones for communication has a negative effect on young people's reading and writing skills. Do you agree or disagree?
With the popularity of electronic
devices
progressively increasing, there are many concerns about their adverse influences on individuals. One of them is whether depending highly on them to commnuicate
will impair Correct your spelling
communicate
people
's writing and reading skills
. In my view, on the one hand, this
concern is not without reasons; on the other hand
, it should not be disproportionately emphasised.
First,
people
cannot escape the reality that the increasing reliance on electronic devices
in communication is imparing
individuals' literary Correct your spelling
impairing
imparting
skills
. This
has been demonstrated by a
research conducted by Modern Language Association(MLA), a Correct article usage
apply
thinktank
in the USA, that currently, Correct your spelling
think tank
people
are increasingly dependent on "stickers" in daily conversations to convey their emotions. In another word
, they are losing the ability to express themselves in words, which should have been a fundamental competence in a democratic nation like the USA, where Fix the agreement mistake
other words
people
need to expound their feelings and opinons
when arguing for their own rights. Correct your spelling
opinions
This
phenomenon has reasonably raised the common concern that the degeneration of literary skills
brough
by electronic Correct your spelling
brought
devices
is undermining the country's political cornorstones
.
Correct your spelling
cornerstones
cornerstone
Although
the worry sounds plausible, adhering to this
kind of technology conservatism is not conducive to stepping out of the dilemma that we need
use electronic Add the particle
need to
devices
in daily communication , while
the side-effect of the usage is jeopardising people
's writing and reading skills
,
and even the foundation of a representative nation. Remove the comma
apply
Therefore
, perhaps we should forsake the preconception that the writing and reading skills
that originate from the paper-age
Correct your spelling
paper age
is
superior to the expressive approaches deriving from Change the verb form
are
Correct article usage
the net-age
net-age
. A Harvard researcher, David Thomas, has claimed that what matters is whether we clearly deliver our ideas, not with certain carriers. In light of Correct your spelling
net age
this
, the preferrance
for literary Correct your spelling
preference
skills
is more of a
ungrounded obsession with habits.
In summary, from my perspective, the usage of electronic Change the article
an
devices
is indeed impairing people
's writing and reading skills
. However
, I am inclined to view this
as a necessary progress of
exploring new efficient communication Change preposition
in
skills
in a net-age
, and Correct your spelling
net age
therefore
people
need not constantly lament the loss of writing and reading skills
.Submitted by hx88375757 on
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Task Achievement
Include a more detailed and clear introduction that outlines the structure of your arguments. This will help the examiner to understand the direction and purpose of your essay.
Task Achievement
Be careful with the usage of some synonym words. For instance, 'jeopardising' might be a bit strong for the intended meaning; 'affecting' could be more suitable. Additionally, ensure spelling accuracy, as I noticed several typos such as 'commnuicate' instead of 'communicate'.
Coherence and Cohesion
Structure your paragraphs clearly to ensure that each paragraph has one clear main idea. Removing redundant phrases like 'Therefore, perhaps we should forsake the preconception' can help improve clarity.
Task Achievement
The essay successfully discusses both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the topic's complexity.
Task Achievement
You provide specific examples, like the research by the Modern Language Association (MLA), to support your main points, which is excellent.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is well-organized, with clear introductory and concluding paragraphs that frame the discussion.
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