IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones for communication has a negative effect on young people's reading and writing skills. Do you agree or disagree?

With the popularity of electronic
devices
Use synonyms
 progressively increasing, there are many concerns about their adverse influences on individuals. One of them is whether depending highly on them to
commnuicate
Correct your spelling
communicate
 will impair
people
Use synonyms
's writing and reading
skills
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. In my view, on the one hand,
this
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 concern is not without reasons;
on the other hand
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, it should not be disproportionately emphasised.
First,
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people
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 cannot escape the reality that the increasing reliance on electronic
devices
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 in communication is
imparing
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impairing
imparting
 individuals' literary
skills
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.
This
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 has been demonstrated by
a
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apply
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research conducted by Modern Language Association(MLA), a
thinktank
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think tank
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 in the USA, that currently,
people
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 are increasingly dependent on "stickers" in daily conversations to convey their emotions. In
another word
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other words
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, they are losing the ability to express themselves in words, which should have been a fundamental competence in a democratic nation like the USA, where
people
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 need to expound their feelings and
opinons
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opinions
 when arguing for their own rights.
This
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 phenomenon has reasonably raised the common concern that the degeneration of literary
skills
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brough
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brought
 by electronic
devices
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 is undermining the country's political
cornorstones
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cornerstones
cornerstone
.
Although
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 the worry sounds plausible, adhering to
this
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 kind of technology conservatism is not conducive to stepping out of the dilemma that we
need
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need to
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 use electronic
devices
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 in daily communication ,
while
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 the side-effect of the usage is jeopardising
people
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's writing and reading
skills
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,
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apply
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 and even the foundation of a representative nation.
Therefore
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, perhaps we should forsake the preconception that the writing and reading
skills
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 that originate from the
paper-age
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paper age
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is
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are
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 superior to the expressive approaches deriving from
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the net-age
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net-age
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net age
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. A Harvard researcher, David Thomas, has claimed that what matters is whether we clearly deliver our ideas, not with certain carriers. In light of
this
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, the
preferrance
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preference
 for literary
skills
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 is more of
a
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an
show examples
 ungrounded obsession with habits. In summary, from my perspective, the usage of electronic
devices
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 is indeed impairing
people
Use synonyms
's writing and reading
skills
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.
However
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, I am inclined to view
this
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 as a necessary progress
of
Change preposition
in
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 exploring new efficient communication
skills
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 in a
net-age
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net age
show examples
, and
therefore
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people
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 need not constantly lament the loss of writing and reading
skills
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.

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Task Achievement
Include a more detailed and clear introduction that outlines the structure of your arguments. This will help the examiner to understand the direction and purpose of your essay.
Task Achievement
Be careful with the usage of some synonym words. For instance, 'jeopardising' might be a bit strong for the intended meaning; 'affecting' could be more suitable. Additionally, ensure spelling accuracy, as I noticed several typos such as 'commnuicate' instead of 'communicate'.
Coherence and Cohesion
Structure your paragraphs clearly to ensure that each paragraph has one clear main idea. Removing redundant phrases like 'Therefore, perhaps we should forsake the preconception' can help improve clarity.
Task Achievement
The essay successfully discusses both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the topic's complexity.
Task Achievement
You provide specific examples, like the research by the Modern Language Association (MLA), to support your main points, which is excellent.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is well-organized, with clear introductory and concluding paragraphs that frame the discussion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • over-reliance
  • comprehension skills
  • digital content
  • sustained reading capabilities
  • texting and messaging apps
  • abbreviations
  • acronyms
  • emojis
  • formally and coherently
  • educational resources
  • scholarly articles
  • educational apps
  • enhance
  • digital platforms
  • blogs
  • social media posts
  • online forums
  • concise
  • impactful writing
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