IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Planting trees if very important, some people say that trees should be planted in the vacant areas of the cities and town, while others say that housing facilities should be build instead. Do you agree or disagree?

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Planting trees is very crucial, it is said by certain people that trees should be planted in the vacant areas of the cities in spite of others mentioning that residential buildings should be built
instead
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. I totally agree with
this
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 statement. On one hand, adding nature
instead
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 of high-rise buildings downtown leads to less air pollution. Putting nature in the very centre of a city could be a positive sign which can be publicly beneficial for a huge number of citizens.
Secondly
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, most of the netizens will be provided more green spaces to do any public activities
such
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 as walking or exercising if there are more parks planted in town
instead
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 of skyscrapers.
For instance
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,
according to
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 a recent study from the Faculty of Architecture, at Harvard University, 80% of U.S. people tend to do more jogging when given a green public space.
On the other hand
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,
although
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 building a huge number of residences in a small area allows the whole country to be civilized,
this
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 will cause congestion, not only traffic but
also
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 overcrowded population.
This
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 forces the citizen to have a low quality of life. To illustrate
this
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, a poll recently conducted by the New York Times revealed that two-thirds of American house owners willingly move out of town if the crowded ratio is more than 50%.
Additionally
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, the water issue is another concerning issue that comes after housing facilities because numerous people mean the amount of drainage.
Hence
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, xx
To conclude
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, Planting trees does play a more important role than building skyscrapers not only because of air pollution and more public areas but
also
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 because of congestion and water pollution

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Extension
Ensure that all points introduced are fully developed with sufficient detail and examples. In the second main paragraph, consider expanding on the example about water issues.
Clarity
Avoid leaving incomplete sentences, as seen with 'Hence, xx'. Make sure each paragraph has a clear concluding sentence that ties back to the main argument.
Structure
Include a clearer topic sentence for each paragraph to improve the overall logical structure of the essay. This helps in clearly guiding the reader through your argument.
Introduction
The introduction clearly states the main argument and presents an opinion, which is consistently held throughout the essay.
Contrast
The essay effectively contrasts the benefits of planting trees versus building residential areas, supporting the main position.
Use of Evidence
Specific examples such as studies from Harvard University and polls by the New York Times add credibility to the arguments and help illustrate key points.
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