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Band 2.5

Changes are often considered more beneficial to people than trying to avoid them and have everything remain the same. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#changes #people
There are too many minds about how
changes
 could be beneficial for
people
 or it is better to avoid them. Some
people
 think that
changes
are often have
Change the verb form
often have
show examples
 more positive aspects for
people
,
whereas
 others think
otherwise
. It could
causes
Change the verb form
cause
show examples
 for several reasons. On the one hand, a positive side to
changes
Wrong verb form
change
show examples
 is that you always try to do something new. As everybody knows, experience is the most valuable thing in
yours
Correct the word
your
show examples
career or even in
usual
Correct word choice
normal
show examples
 life.
Furthermore
, there are many examples
how
Change preposition
of how
show examples
 successful and rich
people
say
Verb problem
talk
show examples
 about their long way to
such
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
.
That is
 why,
changes
 can give you an experience, that will be helpful in the future.
On the other hand
, it has several disadvantages. A majority of
people
 think that if you already reach
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
success in your life, you should not make any
changes
. The explanation of
this
 mind is that you can
lost
Change the verb form
lose
be lost
show examples
 everything.
Firstly
, to avoid
this
 problem, you should have an intensive brainstorm about your
further
changes
. Ultimately, I think that
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 outweigh
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
show examples
. Because, with
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
changes
Add a comma
changes,
show examples
 you can reach unbelievable results in your life.
Submitted by strogiy2008 on

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Using real-life examples or hypotheticals can help illustrate your points more clearly.
task achievement
Ensure that your ideas are clearly presented and comprehensively developed. Spend more time explaining how the advantages and disadvantages impact individuals or society.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next, maintaining reader engagement and understanding.
coherence cohesion
Avoid vague language and aim for clarity in your arguments. Define terms if necessary and make sure each point is distinctly articulated.
task achievement
You present both sides of the argument, acknowledging the complexity of the issue, which is good for task response.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and your conclusion provides a direct answer to the prompt, which is essential for a well-structured essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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