IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #money #future
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Money
playing
Change the form of the verb
plays
show examples
 a significant role in our life.It is necessary to live in a good way and have a better
future
.There are many people
argue
Correct pronoun usage
who argue
show examples
 that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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teenagers and kids should keep their
money
 for the
future
.In my opinion ,I agree with
this
 statement.There are many reasons for that.I will
shade
Correct the spelling
shed
show examples
 light on some of these reasons.
To begin
 with,Saving
money
 for the
future
protect
Correct subject-verb agreement
protects
show examples
 the people from many troubles.
For instance
,poverty,
needing
Wrong verb form
need
show examples
 for others and living
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a low level.I
convinced
Add a missing verb
am convinced
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 that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
All families should
advice
Replace the word
advise
show examples
 their children to save their
money
 and use it for the necessary things like clothes,food and their study.They must teach them the value of
money
.
For example
,making them work
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a vacation to have their own income.I think it is
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
 useful
methods
Fix the agreement mistake
method
show examples
 to know the value of
money
.
In addition
,
Future
Correct article usage
the Future
show examples
 always
hide
Change the verb form
hides
show examples
 unexpected
events.No
Correct your spelling
events
 one
expect
Correct subject-verb agreement
expects
show examples
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will happen in the
future
 so
they
Correct pronoun usage
one
show examples
 should think about it.
Moreover
,saving
money
 will help the person to control themselves about many things.
For example
,shopping and
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
.They will be more responsible about their
money
 .
Also
,they will manage their life in a good way.
To sum up
,keeping
money
 is very important for all citizens.Not just for teenagers and kids.All of us should learn to deal with
money
.
Also
 to make
balance
Add an article
a balance
the balance
show examples
 between spending and saving
money
.
Submitted by mrym05411 on

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea, supported by examples or explanations. Try to balance the amount of text dedicated to explaining why saving is important with discussing potential counterarguments or opposing views.
task achievement
Make sure to fully develop your ideas. While you touch on important reasons to save money, delve deeper into each point for a more comprehensive discussion.
task achievement
Engage with examples that are not only relevant but also specific and detailed, helping to strengthen your argument and illustrate points effectively.
task achievement
Strong introduction with a clear stance on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Effective linking of ideas related to saving money making the essay cohesive.
coherence and cohesion
Relevant and clear main points addressing why saving money is essential for young people.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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