Some people think that children should be raised by all the family members (eg: uncle, aunt and grandparents) rather than only parents. Give your opinion.
In modern contemporary, there has been widespread discussion about watching live performances via
tv
or co and different explanations have been put forward.The number of advocates may strenuously argue that a lot of people tend to watching
live Wrong verb form
watch
events
through tv
and Correct your spelling
TV
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
instead
going
to Change preposition
of going
place
, their Correct article usage
a place
a
Correct article usage
apply
dversaies
may clime Correct your spelling
adversaries
otherwise
. Considering the numerous argmunts
made , Correct your spelling
arguments
this
essay will argue the the
effects of watching live through the Remove the redundancy
apply
tv
or computer and provide evidence to support my opinion .
Correct your spelling
TV
To begin
with, there are a number of reasons why many individuals support view
that some people prefer to Add an article
the view
watching
live online . First and foremost individuals around the world desire to Shooce cosy places and can watch the Change the verb
watch
events
without annoying.It can also
be argued that they no
need to payCorrect your spelling
do
a
ticket and save money.Change preposition
for a
for
example , Capitalize word
For
l
remember when my sister graduated from university l
attending
the Wrong verb form
attended
events
of graduation via tv
. Correct your spelling
TV
To sum up
, because of these factors
Add a comma
factors,
it is clear that
there no
doubt online Add a missing verb
is no
events
better
to Add a missing verb
are better
enjoyable
and spend a comfortable time at home.
Replace the word
enjoy
However
, there are several reasons why many people oppose the view that
watching Change preposition
of
events
online . First of all , it is a great concept to a ttend
the celebrationCorrect your spelling
attend
in reality
to Add the comma(s)
, in reality,
obtaine
comprehensive and Correct your spelling
obtain
srounded
yourself by Correct your spelling
surrounded
events
. From my experience, if going to the live event l
can meet my friends and spend
a wonderful time with them. Verb problem
have
As a result
of those a spect
it is apparent that there are several drawbacks Correct your spelling
aspect
of
watching event performances.
In conclusion , Change preposition
to
while
there are strong arguments on both sides of the case , my personal opinion is that l
fully agree with this
a
statement.Correct article usage
apply
l
would strongly recommend that watching events
onlin
can save time and money.Correct your spelling
online
Submitted by f201501634 on
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coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your essay more logically. The ideas are there, but they need a clearer structure for the reader to follow. Try using clear transition phrases to guide readers through your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph sticks to a single main idea and fully explores it. Some parts of the essay jump between topics, making it harder for readers to see your argument's progression.
task achievement
Refine your thesis statement in the introduction. It should clearly state your position and outline the main points that will be discussed in the essay.
task achievement
Expand more on the consequences of attending live events versus watching them on TV or online—this can strengthen your argument, making it more compelling.
coherence cohesion
You have successfully included an introduction and a conclusion, which helps give the essay coherence.
task achievement
The examples provided, such as watching your sister's graduation on TV, are personal and relevant, adding to the persuasive power of your essay.
task achievement
You've attempted a balanced argument by considering both perspectives on watching events live versus online. This shows a good understanding of the topic's complexity.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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