Many countries thought that children have to do homework in their free time while others say children should do more outdoor activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It has been argued that school students should do study
activities
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insted
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instead
of outdoor
activities
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in their
lesure
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leisure
time
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.
While
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I agree that
homework
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plays
pivotal
Add an article
a pivotal
show examples
role, I believe
this
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free
time
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should not
be spend
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be spent
show examples
only on one choice, but should be
splited
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split
show examples
between
both
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variants.
Firstly
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, doing only
sudying
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studying
activities
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in free
time
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may deteriorate
Correct article usage
a child
show examples
child
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child's
show examples
physical development or lead to obesity.
This
Linking Words
is because the functional systems of our body
such
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as
blood
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the blood
show examples
system, or
muscels
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muscles
have to be trained
otherwise
Linking Words
they may work incorrectly in the future. As
wel
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well
as deterioration of health, a lack of sport means that consumed
callories
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calories
may not be burned.
For instance
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, many home
task
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tasks
show examples
for students in Australia and
shortage
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the shortage
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of
outdor
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outdoor
timespendings
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time spendings
time-spendings
cased
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caused
show examples
the issue that 2
from
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of
show examples
3 children
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
overweight.
Nevertheless
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, spending all spare
time
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with
outdor
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outdoor
activities
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could negatively impact
on
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apply
show examples
academic performance. It is hard to deny, that school
program
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programs
show examples
has
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have
show examples
become extremely difficult and students have to spend more and more
efforts
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effort
show examples
on digesting
it
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them
show examples
.
In other words
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, the individual who
do
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does
show examples
not work on improving his knowledge at home may never be enrolled in
an
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a
show examples
respectful university.
Additionally
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,
adressing
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addressing
the discussion between
homework
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and physical
activities
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requires
time
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investing
on
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in
show examples
both
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. Thorough
time
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management and allocation efforts on physical development and increasing academic results may positively
impacted
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be impacted
impact
show examples
on
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overall
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the overall
show examples
realisation of a student. As
a
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an
show examples
example, after
school
Add a comma
school,
show examples
a student may have a
footbol
Correct your spelling
football
class and later
homework
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at home. In
conclution
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conclusion
,
although
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doing
homework
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has
crucial
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a crucial
show examples
impact on
Correct article usage
a child
show examples
child
Change noun form
child's
show examples
future, a lack of outdoor
activities
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may bring
harmfull
Correct your spelling
harmful
effects. I agree with
importance
Correct article usage
the importance
show examples
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both
Change preposition
of both
show examples
of them and
that is
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why I suggest
practice
Wrong verb form
practising
show examples
both
Use synonyms
of them.
Submitted by sergeybelov83 on

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lexical resource
Improve your vocabulary range and usage for better expression. While the essay gets the message across, using varied and precise vocabulary can enhance clarity and sophistication.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. Errors such as 'insted' instead of 'instead' and 'wel' instead of 'well' can somewhat affect the readability of your essay.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced approach towards homework and outdoor activities, offering arguments for both sides.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical with clear paragraphs for introduction, main body, and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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