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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think parents should supervise their children’s activities closely, while others believe children should have more freedom. Discuss both sides of the arguments and give your opinion.

#people #parents #children’s #activities #children #freedom #arguments
In today's world,the debate surrounding whether parents should closely supervise their
children
's activities or allow them more freedom is a pressing one.Some argue that strict
supervision
 ensures a child's safety and well-being,
while
 others believe that granting
children
 more autonomy helps them develop independence and critical thinking
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
.
Both
 views hold merit it is essential to find
balanced
Add an article
a balanced
show examples
 approach that considers a child's age maturity,and the
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
 they are growing up in.   Those who advocate for close parental
supervision
 argue that teenagers,especially younger ones,lack the
expirence
Correct your spelling
experience
 to make informed decisions.
Children
 are vulnerable to many dangers,
both
 online  and offline
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
cyberbullying,inappropriate content,or peer
preassure
Correct your spelling
pressure
,which can negatively affect their
devolopment
Correct your spelling
development
.By keeping a close eye
their
Change preposition
on their
show examples
children
's activities,parents can guide them through
difficuld
Correct your spelling
difficult
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
 and teach them to differentiate between right and wrong.
Moreover
,parents who supervise their
childrens
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 academic and social lives often notice problems early on,allowing them to intervene and support their
children
 before issues escalate.In
this
 sense,close
supervision
 provides and protective barrier against harmful
influenced
Replace the word
influences
show examples
.  
On the other hand
,there is a strong case for allowing
children
 more freedom,particularly as they grow older.Giving
children
 autonomy fosters independence and self-reliance,which are essential life
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
.when
children
 and allowed to
meke
Correct your spelling
make
dicisionsthey
Correct your spelling
decisions, they
 learn to handle
consequences
Correct article usage
the consequences
show examples
 of their actions and develop
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
ablities
Correct your spelling
abilities
.Overprotective parenting,
in
contrast
Add the comma(s)
contrast,
show examples
 can result in a lack of confidence and a
dependensy
Correct your spelling
dependency
dependence
 on
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 for decision-making.
Furthermore
,
children
 who are trusted with responsibility often feel a greater sense of
accountabilty
Correct your spelling
accountability
,which motivates them to act more
responsibility
Replace the word
responsibly
show examples
.In
this
 view,
children
 should be allowed to explore the world around them.      In
conculusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
both
supervision
 and freedom have their
adventages
Correct your spelling
advantages
.
While
 young
children
 need more guidance to ensure their safety,older
childer
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 benefit from being given the space to grow and learn from their experiences.A balanced approach that adjusts the level of
supervision
according to
 the child's age and maturity is likely the most effective way to
nature
Correct your spelling
nurture
show examples
both
 independence and security.
Submitted by saydusmonovasomiddin94 on

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task achievement
Make sure to provide more specific examples to strengthen arguments.
coherence cohesion
There are some minor spelling and grammatical errors that need to be addressed for better clarity and professionalism.
task achievement
Consider elaborating further on the conclusions drawn from the arguments discussed to provide a more in-depth perspective.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with a strong introduction and conclusion, making it easy for the reader to follow.
task achievement
You have successfully addressed both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the complexities involved in parenting.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • supervise
  • ensure safety
  • teach values
  • discipline
  • guide learning
  • harmful content
  • bad influences
  • structured environment
  • foster independence
  • creativity
  • problem-solving skills
  • resilience
  • decision-making abilities
  • explore interests
  • personal development
  • balanced approach
  • set boundaries
  • make choices
  • accountability
  • real-world situations
  • consequences
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