IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. •In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? •Is this a positive or negative development

#people #technology #•in #relationships #•is #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Technology
Use synonyms
 plays a vital role in
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
 life. In recent years,
people
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 changed their method of making
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
friends
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
technology
Use synonyms
. There are
plethora
Add an article
a plethora
show examples
 of effects on the
relationships
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 because of
new
Add an article
the new
a new
show examples
 invention of
technology
Use synonyms
. It has become a positive development. Both aspects are elaborated in the ensuing paragraphs. There are ample
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
impacts which has
technology
Use synonyms
 affected the types of
relationships
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 make. The most pivotal one is that
people
Use synonyms
 can save
time
Use synonyms
 and money with the help of
technology
Use synonyms
.
In other words
Linking Words
, if
people
Use synonyms
 use technical gadgets for communication, they will not spend money on transportation and
also
Linking Words
 they can meet them without travelling.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it has
Correct article usage
an excellence
show examples
excellence
Replace the word
excellent
show examples
 influence on
relationships
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because,
people
Use synonyms
 could not touch with their
friends
Use synonyms
 and
friends
Use synonyms
 in the past
time
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 nowadays they can communicate with them
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 with the help of social media applications
such
Linking Words
 as WhatsApp and Facebook which improve their relationship bond.
This
Linking Words
 has become
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 development. To
embark
Verb problem
begin
show examples
 with, it is lucrative for
people
Use synonyms
 in their tough
time
Use synonyms
 period. By
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
 I mean that when
people
Use synonyms
stuck
Add a missing verb
are stuck
show examples
 in critical
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
, they easily communicate with their
friends
Use synonyms
 and family members which helps them to get positive feedback from their family members and
friends
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can feel that their relatives care
them
Change preposition
for them
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 means that whenever any relatives message them
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social media, they feel
this
Linking Words
. In conclusion,
according to
Linking Words
aforementioned
Correct article usage
the aforementioned
show examples
 points,
technology
Use synonyms
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 good effects on
relationships
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
people
Use synonyms
 can contact any
persons
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
 without
meet
Wrong verb form
meeting
show examples
 them and it is lucrative for their
finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
show examples
 because they will communicate without going
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
 home or town.
People
Use synonyms
talks
Change the verb form
talk
show examples
 with their
friends
Use synonyms
 easily in their bad
Use synonyms
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
as a result
Linking Words
 they
aquire
Correct your spelling
acquire
require
 some solution
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their problems and they feel good when they receive messages from their relatives that are two main reasons why it has become a positive development.
Submitted by Darshita@8612 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to strengthen your argument. This will help in making your essay more compelling and relatable.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear and distinct purpose. Try to start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that sets out the main idea you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps guide the reader through your analysis.
task achievement
You have adequately addressed the essay prompt by discussing how technology impacts relationships and giving your opinion on whether it is positive or negative.
coherence cohesion
The logical sequence of your ideas allows for an understanding of your main arguments and supports a well-structured essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: