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Band 5

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. •In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? •Is this a positive or negative development

#people #technology #•in #relationships #•is #development
Technology
 plays a vital role in
human's
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human
show examples
 life. In recent years,
people
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 changed their method of making
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
friends
due to
technology
. There are
plethora
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a plethora
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 of effects on the
relationships
 of
people
 because of
new
Add an article
the new
a new
show examples
 invention of
technology
. It has become a positive development. Both aspects are elaborated in the ensuing paragraphs. There are ample
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
impacts which has
technology
 affected the types of
relationships
people
 make. The most pivotal one is that
people
 can save
time
 and money with the help of
technology
.
In other words
, if
people
 use technical gadgets for communication, they will not spend money on transportation and
also
 they can meet them without travelling.
Furthermore
, it has
Correct article usage
an excellence
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excellence
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excellent
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 influence on
relationships
.
This
 is because,
people
 could not touch with their
friends
 and
friends
 in the past
time
,
while
 nowadays they can communicate with them
everyday
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every day
show examples
 with the help of social media applications
such
 as WhatsApp and Facebook which improve their relationship bond.
This
 has become
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 development. To
embark
Verb problem
begin
show examples
 with, it is lucrative for
people
 in their tough
time
 period. By
this
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this,
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 I mean that when
people
stuck
Add a missing verb
are stuck
show examples
 in critical
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
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, they easily communicate with their
friends
 and family members which helps them to get positive feedback from their family members and
friends
.
Moreover
,
people
 can feel that their relatives care
them
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for them
show examples
.
This
 means that whenever any relatives message them
in
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on
show examples
 social media, they feel
this
. In conclusion,
according to
aforementioned
Correct article usage
the aforementioned
show examples
 points,
technology
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 good effects on
relationships
 of
people
such
 as
people
 can contact any
persons
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
 without
meet
Wrong verb form
meeting
show examples
 them and it is lucrative for their
finance
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finances
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 because they will communicate without going
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
 home or town.
People
talks
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talk
show examples
 with their
friends
 easily in their bad
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
as a result
 they
aquire
Correct your spelling
acquire
require
 some solution
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their problems and they feel good when they receive messages from their relatives that are two main reasons why it has become a positive development.
Submitted by pramodv997 on

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to strengthen your argument. This will help in making your essay more compelling and relatable.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear and distinct purpose. Try to start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that sets out the main idea you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps guide the reader through your analysis.
task achievement
You have adequately addressed the essay prompt by discussing how technology impacts relationships and giving your opinion on whether it is positive or negative.
coherence cohesion
The logical sequence of your ideas allows for an understanding of your main arguments and supports a well-structured essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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