IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, the difference in age between parents and children is generally greater than it was in the past. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #difference #age #parents #children #outweigh
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There are both advantages and disadvantages to
find
Wrong verb form
finding
show examples
 a gap in age between
parents
Use synonyms
 and
children
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 that
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 the
parents
Use synonyms
 the ability to understand and
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 the
kids
Use synonyms
 in
suitable
Add an article
a suitable
show examples
 environment. There are
also
Linking Words
 challenges
such
Linking Words
 as not keeping up with the new generation.
Firstly
Linking Words
, one major
advantages
Change to a singular noun
advantage
show examples
 of the difference in age between
parents
Use synonyms
 and
kids
Use synonyms
 is
parents
Use synonyms
 have more wisdom to treat
children
Use synonyms
 when they get bigger.
This
Linking Words
 is because they have a lot of experiences in life.
For instance
Linking Words
, a study at Harvard University
shwos
Correct your spelling
shows
 that
parents
Use synonyms
 who have
children
Use synonyms
 after forty
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have a good parenthood rather than
parents
Use synonyms
 who
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 before.
Secondly
Linking Words
, financial stability is another benefit.
This
Linking Words
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
kids
Use synonyms
 to grow up in financial security.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, one significant disadvantage of the difference between
parents
Use synonyms
 and
children
Use synonyms
 is
parents
Use synonyms
 can not
keeping
Wrong verb form
keep
show examples
 up with all changes around the world.
This
Linking Words
 happens because
kids
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent years need to be aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 the risks of new things that
parents
Use synonyms
 have no idea about
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, the risk of video games, the majority of
parents
Use synonyms
 do not play video games, so they can not teach their
kids
Use synonyms
 how
be
Add the particle
to be
show examples
 aware when they play video games.
In addition
Linking Words
, exposure
one
Change preposition
of one
show examples
 of the
parents
Use synonyms
 to health problems is another drawback.
For instance
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 who
over
Add a missing verb
are over
show examples
 forty
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
 susceptible to disease.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the difference in age between
parents
Use synonyms
 and
children
Use synonyms
 has both positive and negative aspects.
although
Linking Words
 it provides the ability to grow up and
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 in
suitable
Add an article
a suitable
show examples
 environment, it
also
Linking Words
 involves health risks for
parents
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 must carefully consider both sides before
makeing
Correct your spelling
making
 a decision.
Submitted by reem.b.albalawi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow by using clearer transitions between ideas, ensuring each paragraph has a distinct main point that connects to your overall argument.
task achievement
Ensure that all points listed in the introduction are fully explored in the body paragraphs to provide a complete response.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to illustrate and support your main ideas effectively.
introduction conclusion present
The essay clearly introduces the topic and presents both advantages and disadvantages.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed and provides a balanced perspective on the issue.
logical structure
The essay attempts to present a structured approach with different paragraphs dedicated to distinct points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: