IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar chart below illustrates five different industries’ percentage share of Brazil’s economy in 2009 and 2019 with a forecast for 2029. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The bar chart below illustrates five different industries’ percentage share of Brazil’s economy in 2009 and 2019 with a forecast for 2029. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#bar #five #industries’ #percentage #brazil’s #economy #forecast #summarise #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The data illustrates
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 share
if
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
Use synonyms
Brazil
Change noun form
Brazil's
show examples
economy
Use synonyms
 between 2009 and 2019 from five different industries and
forecast
Fix the agreement mistake
forecasts
show examples
 for 2029, and there are some differences which are set out below.
First,
Linking Words
in 2009,
Brazil
Use synonyms
’s
economy
Use synonyms
 had a higher statistic with 31% in
finance
Add an article
the finance
show examples
sector
Use synonyms
,
which
Correct word choice
while
show examples
 from food processing industry only had
10
Correct article usage
a 10
show examples
% contribution to the
economy
Use synonyms
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand, manufacturing companies contributed 21% slightly lower than the tourism and oil, coal and gas
sector
Use synonyms
 which contributed 25% to economic development in
Brazil
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
2019
Correct article usage
the 2019
show examples
 data was
differences
Replace the word
different
show examples
 from the industry in
Brazil
Use synonyms
, there was a slight growth in the financial
sector
Use synonyms
 of 36%, still outplayed
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the other five sectors.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the contribution of manufacturing to the
economy
Use synonyms
 was decreasing to only 15%,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 makes the smallest contribution to the
economy
Use synonyms
. It follows that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 food processing had
significantly
Change the adverb
significant
show examples
 growth and was the same figure as the tourism
sector
Use synonyms
 at 21%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, oil, coal and gas placed the second highest position for the
economy
Use synonyms
, contributing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
31%.
Lastly
Linking Words
,
Brazil
Use synonyms
 has
forecast
Correct article usage
a forecast
show examples
 for
Submitted by riani.the2 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words brazil, economy, sector with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "differences" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: