It is a good idea for people to continue working in their old age if it is possible for them to do so. Do you agree or disagree?

While

Linking Words

it is widely debated that it would be a great idea to allow people to continue working

evenif

Correct your spelling

even if

they

aged

Wrong verb form

age

show examples

if it is possible, others argue that they better stay at home and get some rest

instead

Linking Words

Hence

Linking Words

, I strongly support

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

this

Linking Words

statement as it can promote effective

aging

Change the spelling

ageing

show examples

for seniors will be discussed

further

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

essay.

To begin

Linking Words

with, it seems sensible for some to believe that it is good for these people to

able

Add a missing verb

be able

show examples

to continue with

the

Remove the article

apply

show examples

their job.

This

Linking Words

possibly

Replace the adverb

possible

show examples

because

this

Linking Words

can help

tackling with

Wrong verb form

tackle

show examples

the shortage of active

labours

Correct your spelling

labourers

show examples

due to

Linking Words

low

Correct article usage

the low

show examples

fertility

rate

Fix the agreement mistake

rates

show examples

across the globe. Positively, the more mature the worker is, the better for the

bussiness

Correct your spelling

business

to have workers with lots of

experiences

Fix the agreement mistake

experience

show examples

However

Linking Words

, many opponents of

this

Linking Words

idea might

opposed

Change the verb form

oppose

be opposed

show examples

that

Linking Words

due

Change preposition

apply

show examples

to physical condition of the older

labours

Correct your spelling

labourers

show examples

can be an

issues

Correct the article-noun agreement

issue

show examples

a more intense fields

Correct the article-noun agreement

a more intense field

more intense fields

show examples

such

Linking Words

as medicine. Take physicians,

for example

Linking Words

;

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the issue of

inadequate

Add an article

the inadequate

an inadequate

show examples

workforce can cause the

staffs

Fix the agreement mistake

staff

show examples

to work

Change preposition

apply

show examples

long and extra shifts which

resulting

Wrong verb form

results

show examples

in poor diet and lifestyle. Unlike younger

staffs

Fix the agreement mistake

staff

show examples

, senior doctors were less likely to cope with

such

Linking Words

intense

lifestyle

Fix the agreement mistake

lifestyles

show examples

due to

Linking Words

their

age related

Add a hyphen

age-related

show examples

deterioration. In

this

Linking Words

sense, Many would agree that they should step out of the field and get some rest at home.

Therefore

Linking Words

, I personally agree with the support

the

Change preposition

of the

show examples

idea of

non-restricted

Correct article usage

a non-restricted

show examples

retirement scheme for

elderly

Correct article usage

the elderly

show examples

in order to prevent the loss of value from post-retirement. It is notably known that the effect of retirement can contribute to the degradation of self-esteem as they thought that

there

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

were useless and unable to contribute any benefits for the society and being

burden

Add an article

a burden

show examples

for their children and descendants. In summary,

although

Linking Words

it is undeniable that

health

Correct article usage

the health

show examples

condition of the elderly could hinder the potential of

workforce

Add an article

the workforce

show examples

in the industry, I am of the opinion that allowing them to continue with their career path can boost their self-esteem which is vital for

Add an article

an aging

the aging

show examples

aging

Change the spelling

ageing

show examples

society.

kamonluck1999

Oct 26, 2024

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task achievement

Try to develop each main point more thoroughly. Include more specific examples or evidence to support your ideas.

coherence cohesion

Ensure every paragraph has a clear topic sentence to guide the reader and maintain clarity in argumentation.

task achievement

Address counterarguments more effectively to demonstrate a balanced understanding of the issue.

coherence cohesion

Make sure that each point is linked to the next, to improve the flow of your essay.

task achievement

Good attempt at discussing both sides of the argument, which shows an understanding of different perspectives.

coherence cohesion

Clear introduction and conclusion that encapsulate the main ideas of the essay.

task achievement

Some relevant points were made, showing comprehension of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
35
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

333 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Cognitive decline
Mental and emotional well-being
Social interaction
Financial stability
Sense of purpose
Self-worth
Physical health
Skill utilization
Experience
Flexible working hours
Generational gap
Elderly individuals
Retirement
Workplace
Economic contribution

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Fully explain your ideas

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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