Detailed describtion of crimes on newspaper and TV can have bad consequences on society, so this kind of information should be banned in the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?‏

It is argued that criminal reports on
news
media and press ought to be
prohebited
Correct your spelling
prohibited
since it leads to social shortcomings. I strongly agree with
this
assertion
due to
its negative effects on society , including an increased rate of juvenile delinquencies and mental
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
among adolescents. First and foremost, it is an undeniable fact that frequent exposure to
such
information potentially
rise
Verb problem
raises
show examples
the tendency to illegal action , particularly in younger
genertion
Correct your spelling
generation
generations
.
This
instill
Change the verb form
instills
show examples
sense
Add an article
a sense
show examples
of passion for engaging in
villany
Correct your spelling
villainy
in order to make more money. They are more likely to find
this
way effective to attain wealth.
This
is mainly
due to
the fact that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
they are inspired by
these
Change the determiner
this news
show examples
news
and
acquir
Correct your spelling
acquire
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sufficient knowledge to commit a crime.
Therefore
, in many countries
such
as
China
Add a comma
China,
show examples
the
outhorities
Correct your spelling
authorities
are implementing some policies to restrict
disseminating
Replace the word
dissemination
show examples
such
Change preposition
of such
show examples
data.
Moreover
,
another major consequences
Replace the adjective
another major consequence
other major consequences
show examples
would be on children's mental well-being by increasing aggression and
rebelious
Correct your spelling
rebellious
behaviour. Students and younger individuals are
sensetive
Correct your spelling
sensitive
disructive
Correct your spelling
destructive
disruptive
impacts of being exposed to bloody sciences or sad
news
, resulting in a sharp surge in vandalism. They tend to
immitate
Correct your spelling
imitate
violent actions and suffer from some diseases, which reflects on their behaviour in the community.
For instance
, in
Iran
Add a comma
Iran,
show examples
many
schoo
Correct your spelling
school
principles
Correct your spelling
principals
show examples
are claiming
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
studens
Correct your spelling
students
student
who damage chairs and other public items. To
coclude
Correct your spelling
conclude
, for the aforementioned reasons , I hold the position that broadcasting criminal
news
would adversely affect
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society , which results in more crimes and negative impacts on children's
heath
Correct your spelling
health
show examples
,
makinng
Correct your spelling
making
them
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
break
law
Add an article
the law
show examples
.
Submitted by naghnagh2727 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Work on improving grammatical accuracy to enhance overall clarity and coherence.
task achievement
Refine sentence structure to avoid awkward phrasing that might confuse readers.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states your position, and the conclusion summarizes your main points effectively.
task achievement
The essay addresses relevant issues concerning the impact of crime reporting on society, which aligns well with the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: