IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Historical monuments and museums are visited only by the tourists, locals do not visit them. Why is this is happening? What are the solutions to prevent this?

#monuments #museums #tourists #locals #visit
Not so many local residents visit historical monuments and museums compared to tourists. There are several reasons behind
this
 issue.
First,
perhaps, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
locals tend to go to more enjoyable
places
such
 as movie
theaters
Change the spelling
theatres
show examples
, shopping malls and amusement parks rather than historical or cultural
places
. They usually do not have
motivation
Correct article usage
the motivation
show examples
in learning
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to learn
show examples
 the history of their own city.
On the other hand
, tourists
is
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are
show examples
 prone to get to know about where they visited. Because of
this
, only visitors from different regions dropped by
such
 kinds of sites.
Thus
, the local government should hold an event or a campaign that can gather local people to figure out
this
 problem
Second,
in most cases, people are not aware of those kinds of
places
 in their town.
Such
places
 are not the ones where they go
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a specific purpose.
Therefore
, the main reason why citizens do not come to
such
places
 is because they do not know their area has them. To solve
this
 issue, it must be necessary for local authorities to provide public schools in their area with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
courses that teach how their city or town has changed in its long history.
This
 could be
Correct article usage
an opportunities
show examples
opportunities
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunity
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 for children to recognize historical heritages in their place, which will make them visit
such
places
 in
near
Correct article usage
the near
show examples
 future. The problem
locals
Correct pronoun usage
that locals
show examples
 do not visit their historical heritages is extremely serious
becasue
Correct your spelling
because
 the locals will have responsibilities to pass them
onto
Correct your spelling
on to
show examples
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 generations.
However
, long-term solutions will be required to resolve
this
 issue.
Submitted by m.kiyosu1997 on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples from different regions or cities where local initiatives have successfully encouraged locals to visit historical places.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the link between the reasons and the proposed solutions to ensure the argument flows logically.
task achievement
The essay addresses both parts of the task, discussing reasons and solutions.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion, setting the stage and summarizing the essay's main points effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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