IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some say that news has no connection with most people’s life and it is waste of time for most of us to read newspaper and watch television news programs. Agree or disagree?

4.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
In modern times, the
issue
Use synonyms
 of
news
Use synonyms
 has become highly controversial. There are those who say that the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 no connection
Use synonyms
news
Change preposition
to news
show examples
 in daily
life
Use synonyms
however
Linking Words
, others believe that the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who are read
Use synonyms
newspaper
Fix the agreement mistake
newspapers
show examples
 and watch
televistion
Correct your spelling
television
news
Use synonyms
programs
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will show that the
disagree
Replace the word
disagreement
show examples
 of
news
Use synonyms
 has no
connecion
Correct your spelling
connection
 with
people
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 the main
issue
Use synonyms
 of the argument
to
Add a missing verb
is to
show examples
 read
Use synonyms
newspaper
Fix the agreement mistake
newspapers
show examples
 and watch TV.
Body paragraph 1
Generally speaking, there are two main reasons why
people
Use synonyms
said
Wrong verb form
say
show examples
 that
news
Use synonyms
 has no connection with most
people
Use synonyms
's
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 like poor
Use synonyms
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
,
house wife
Correct your spelling
housewives
show examples
,
otisum
Correct word choice
or other
show examples
Use synonyms
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 and some
people
Use synonyms
would
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not like to any
news
Use synonyms
 or TV
programs
Use synonyms
. Perhaps the main
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
 why
people
Use synonyms
 think that
news
Use synonyms
no
Verb problem
does not
show examples
effet
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 their
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, A poor
person
Use synonyms
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 a
lead
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
hard
life
Use synonyms
, so it
is
Verb problem
does
show examples
 not affect her
life
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
,
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
are
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not read or watch
Televison
Correct your spelling
television
programs
Use synonyms
,
They
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can not know
Add an article
the country
show examples
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 condition. It is not only
problem
Correct article usage
a problem
show examples
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
issue
Use synonyms
 country.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are
also
Linking Words
 strong arguments for the idea that it is not
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
 of time for
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
us to read
Use synonyms
newspaper
Fix the agreement mistake
newspapers
show examples
 and watch television
news
Use synonyms
 because it is
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 way to know
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 countries. A
further
Linking Words
 point in favour of
newspare
Correct your spelling
newspaper
new spare
 which is read like online
platfrom
Correct your spelling
platform
facebook
Capitalize word
Facebook
show examples
,
youetube
Correct your spelling
youtube
, e-books. A good illustration of
this
Linking Words
 is that Television
news
Use synonyms
programs
Use synonyms
 are more suitable
read
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
Use synonyms
newspaper
Fix the agreement mistake
newspapers
show examples
.
we
Capitalize word
We
show examples
 can
seen
Change the verb form
see
show examples
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 live
news
Use synonyms
 and details there.
As a result
Linking Words
 many
people
Use synonyms
known
Wrong verb form
know
show examples
that
Change preposition
about
show examples
other
countries
Change noun form
countries'
country's
show examples
 situations and their
cultural
Replace the word
culture
show examples
, music, studies and so on. It is not only important for
Use synonyms
person
Add an article
the person
a person
show examples
 it
Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
 important
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
country.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it must be said that
news
Use synonyms
 has become a complex
issue
Use synonyms
 with no easy solutions. Having considered both sides of the
issue
Use synonyms
, I would argue that it is not
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
 of time to read
news
Use synonyms
 and watch television
programs
Use synonyms
. My personal view
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
 it is most important
every
Change preposition
for every
show examples
person
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Try to improve your grammar and spelling. For example, 'Television' was spelled as 'Televistion', and 'connection' was written as 'connecion'.
clarity
Work on improving sentence structure to enhance clarity. Complex and longer sentences should still be coherent and easily understood.
development
Include more specific examples to support your arguments, and develop your ideas further for more depth.
grammar
Work on reducing grammatical inaccuracies like 'A poor person is a lead hard life'. Simplifying your sentences can help avoid these mistakes.
balance
When presenting contrasting views, try to explain both sides in a balanced and clear manner.
structure
You showed a clear understanding of the essay structure, including introduction and conclusion, and you tried to address both sides of the argument.
content
The intention to cover a wide range of ideas related to the topic is good, showing that you thought deeply about the subject.
insight
Despite some errors, you made a good effort in exploring why people might feel news is disconnected from their lives.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: