IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The number of people who are overweight or obese is far higher than in previous generations. What are the reasons for this, and how can the problem be tackled?

Being overweight is a problem in technology ages.
This
Linking Words
 situation has a lot of causes. At
this
Linking Words
 age people
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
 and lazy. We are so busy. We do not have enough
time
Use synonyms
 to prepare
food
Use synonyms
 or healthy something. We usually
ordered
Wrong verb form
order
show examples
 fast
food
Use synonyms
 and we eat a portion of
food
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 we watch the film and we do not understand what we eat. we usually prefer quickly eating because we do not have enough
time
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 situation, we have a higher blood sugar fastly higher than
fastly
Rephrase
apply
show examples
is falling
Wrong verb form
,
show examples
 so we continue hungry. Our stomachs are never full so we want to eat all
time
Use synonyms
. In our lives we do not have movement
for example
Linking Words
 running swimming or walking we always prefer to sit down or lie down. We know we starting a movement but we are all
time
Use synonyms
 tired. On our free days, we only lie down or we prefer out and meet a friend
this
Linking Words
 is normal but we should put sports in our lives. If we want to healthy body we creative free
time
Use synonyms
 for sports and preparing
food
Use synonyms
. Ancient people
do
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
 not have enough
time
Use synonyms
 and
do
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
 not have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 that
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 make life easier so they
preparing
Wrong verb form
prepared
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 and they healthy but
recent
Change preposition
in recent
show examples
 times we really lazy.
This
Linking Words
 overweight causes many diseases
for example
Linking Words
 hypertension or heart disease
this
Linking Words
 causes is a big problem. We must manage our
time
Use synonyms
 well. We must prepare
food
Use synonyms
 at home and we are limited to fast
food
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure the essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. The introduction should present the main topic and the conclusion should summarize the key points discussed.
task achievement
Try to use more specific examples to support your points, such as personal experiences or statistical data, which would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Develop clear, comprehensive ideas in each paragraph. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main point with supporting details.
task achievement
Successfully identifies a modern problem (obesity) and provides multiple reasons such as busy lifestyles and fast food consumption.
task achievement
Acknowledges the importance of a balanced lifestyle including diet and exercise, showing understanding of solutions to the problem.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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