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Band 5

Learning English at school is often seen as more important than learning local languages. If these are not taught, many are at risk of dying out. In your opinion, is it important for everyone to learn English? Should we try to ensure the survival of local languages and, if so, how? You should give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge to support your response.

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Introduction
The
Use synonyms
english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
language
Use synonyms
 is
global
Add an article
a global
the global
show examples
language
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is
Correct article usage
the offical
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offical
Correct your spelling
official
language
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 and ıf we travel abroad and
you
Correct pronoun usage
we
show examples
 do not know
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
 languages
you
Correct pronoun usage
we
show examples
 must
connected
Change the verb form
connect
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the english
show examples
english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
language
Use synonyms
 because
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the english
show examples
english
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English
show examples
language
Use synonyms
 is global and all people must
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
know.
Body paragraph 1
We
Linking Words
firstly
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first
show examples
,
learning
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
local
Add an article
the local
show examples
language
Use synonyms
 and we must
be learning
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
global
Add an article
the global
a global
show examples
language
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is
two
Rephrase
why two
show examples
Use synonyms
language
Change to a plural noun
languages
show examples
 is very important we do not only know one
language
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 ıf we want we
learning
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
 another
language
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 because the more languages we know, the more our perspective on life changes.
For example
Linking Words
 we want to
spain
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Spain
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 and we do not know
spanish
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Spanish
show examples
 we must
be know
Change the verb form
know
show examples
Use synonyms
english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
 yes
this
Linking Words
 is
guarentee
Correct your spelling
guaranteed
guarantee
 but ıf you have planned
trip
Correct article usage
a trip
show examples
 and you have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
enough time you should be learning
spanish
Change the capitalization
Spanish
show examples
 and
you
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
while
Linking Words
 traveling you try speaking
spanish
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Spanish
show examples
. You will see
you
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
your
self confidence
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self-confidence
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 will increase.
Body paragraph 2
Whatever
happens
Add a comma
happens,
show examples
 our local
language
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 should always be
priority
Correct article usage
a priority
show examples
 and important because if we do not perfect
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
language
Use synonyms
 we do not
understant
Correct your spelling
understand
 our culture and we will be strangers to our own culture.
Body paragraph 3
Certainly, the most important issue in primary schools should be teaching the mother tongue properly and fluently.
Than
Replace the word
Then
show examples
, the children must be learning global
language
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 and if
child
Correct article usage
a child
show examples
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
 to
learning
Change the verb
learn
show examples
 other languages the child learning but
we
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
do not forget
this
Linking Words
 important
language
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 is
local
Correct article usage
a local
show examples
language
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 4
We must be aware of the
important
Replace the word
importance
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 of
this
Linking Words
 issue because
this
Linking Words
situation
Add a verb
situation is
situation was
show examples
 very important for
own
Correct pronoun usage
our own
show examples
 culture.
Conclusion
We must act with awareness of
this
Linking Words
 and ıf necessary, we should make innovations in the education curriculum on
this
Linking Words
 subject.

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task achievement
To enhance task achievement, consider elaborating more on the importance of local languages with specific examples, such as cultural or societal benefits.
coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, work on ensuring smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs so that your essay has a more fluid progression.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance on the importance of both global and local languages, which is well articulated.
coherence cohesion
You provided a good conclusion, emphasizing the importance of mother tongue and global languages in education.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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