IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nawadays families are not as close as they used to be. what do you think are the causes of this? what can be doen to make families closer?

These days,
families
Use synonyms
 are not
close
Rephrase
as close
show examples
 as they were in the past. I personally believe that the causes are
people
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 are self-centered
,
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apply
show examples
 and do not understand the
importance
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 of family. The solutions to
this
Linking Words
problem
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 are
people
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 should learn to
care
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 for their
families
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,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and the
importance
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 of family. Today,
families
Use synonyms
 are not close and the primary reason for
this
Linking Words
problem
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 is
people
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 are self-centered. They are always busy with their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
,
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apply
show examples
 and do not have time to spend with their
families
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. They always think about themselves
instead
Linking Words
 of thinking about others.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
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 do not understand the
importance
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 of family. After becoming independent, they prefer to live alone
instead
Linking Words
 of living with their
families
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.
For example
Linking Words
, after being 18, the young generation in Australia
,
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apply
show examples
 starts living alone, and they do not know the necessity of living with their
families
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. To solve
this
Linking Words
problem
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,
people
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 should learn to
care
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 for their
families
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. If they want to live in a family, they should learn to
care
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 for all the members of the
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families
Fix the agreement mistake
family
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, which will
make
Verb problem
create
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 a strong bond between family members.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
people
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 should learn the
importance
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 of family. If they know about the
importance
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 of being with
families
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, they will be interested in living with their
families
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.
For example
Linking Words
, in Bangladesh, children learn about the
importance
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 of
families
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 in their school curriculums.
Therefore
Linking Words
, there is a
fewer
Correct word choice
lower
show examples
 rate of children leaving their parents after
their
Correct your spelling
they are
show examples
 18. In conclusion,
families
Use synonyms
 are not close because
people
Use synonyms
 are self-centred, and do not know the
importance
Use synonyms
 of family. To solve
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 should learn to
care
Use synonyms
 for others, and know the
importance
Use synonyms
 of family.

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task achievement
Consider diving deeper into the root causes of why modern lifestyles have led to self-centered attitudes. Are there technological or sociocultural shifts that contribute to this?
task achievement
Expand on the solutions. How exactly can awareness of family importance be increased? Perhaps discuss community programs or media campaigns.
coherence cohesion
Ensure every point in the essay flows smoothly into the next by using transitional phrases, making the arguments feel more connected.
task achievement
The essay clearly addresses the task by identifying causes and suggesting solutions.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion provide a clear framework for the essay, effectively summarizing the main points.
task achievement
The use of real-world examples, such as the behavior of young people in Australia and educational practices in Bangladesh, helps illustrate the points effectively.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Technological advancements
  • Work-life balance
  • Geographical distance
  • Face-to-face communication
  • Cultural shifts
  • Individualism
  • Family cohesion
  • Career-oriented
  • Digital platforms
  • Boom in social activities
  • Frequent family gatherings
  • Familial bonds
What to do next:
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