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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some individuals argue that educating children at home is the most effective method, whereas others believe that traditional schools provide greater benefits. Discuss both perspectives and express your own opinion.

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In recent years, there has been ongoing debate regarding the most effective approach to
children
Use synonyms
's education.
While
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 some argue that homeschooling offers the best learning
environment
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, others contend that traditional schooling remains the superior option. On the one hand, some people think that education at home is the most effective way for
children
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 to gain knowledge.
This
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 approach has both positive and negative aspects.
Firstly
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, it is financially beneficial for parents, as they avoid various costs associated with traditional schooling.
For instance
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, in families with two or more
children
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, even though some types of
schools
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 are free, there are still expenses like uniforms, educational materials, and pocket money. If
children
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 are homeschooled, parents do not face
such
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 costs and can save a significant amount over the nine-month school year.
Secondly
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, homeschooling may improve the quality of learning, as
children
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 are less likely to be distracted and often feel more comfortable at home than in a school setting.
On the other hand
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, many believe that traditional schooling provides unique advantages that homeschooling cannot replicate.
First,
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attending school helps
children
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 develop essential social skills by interacting with peers and teachers, which is crucial for their emotional and social growth.
Additionally
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,
schools
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 offer a structured curriculum and access to various resources,
such
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 as science labs, libraries, and extracurricular activities, that enhance the
overall
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 learning experience.
For example
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, students in
schools
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 benefit from group projects and real-time feedback from teachers, both of which can be difficult to replicate in a home
environment
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.
Moreover
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, traditional schooling fosters discipline and time management skills, as students must adhere to a fixed schedule. In conclusion,
while
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 homeschooling may offer a more financially viable and comfortable learning
environment
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, traditional schooling provides benefits that are essential for a child’s holistic development.
Although
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 both approaches have their merits, it is evident that the structured
environment
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, social interactions, and diverse resources offered by traditional
schools
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 make them a more well-rounded option for most
children
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.

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Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance the coherence and cohesion of the essay, consider using a few more transitional phrases and linking words to guide the reader more smoothly from one point to the next.
Task Response
In terms of task response, to achieve a higher score, the essay could engage a bit more critically with the opposing perspectives, perhaps providing counterarguments or rebuttals to strengthen the analysis.
Task Response
The essay provides a comprehensive overview of both homeschooling and traditional schooling, clearly outlining the benefits and drawbacks of each.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure of the essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing both perspectives, and a conclusion that summarizes the opinion.
Task Response
Good use of specific examples, such as the financial aspects and social skills development, helps to make the arguments more concrete and understandable.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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