Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society others say that schools are the best way to learn. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Nowadays many
parents
theach
their beloved children how to become Correct your spelling
teach
a
positive Correct article usage
apply
member
of Fix the agreement mistake
members
the
Correct article usage
apply
society
. In opposed
, others believe that Replace the word
opposition
schools
would be the best choice to gain
how to be a good part of Verb problem
learn
a
Remove the article
apply
society
. In this
essay, I will discuss both perspectives how
both Correct word choice
and how
ideology
can lead to a great personality in a Change to a plural noun
ideologies
society
.
Childrens
are more Correct your spelling
Children
adoptive
than older people, they can be Correct word choice
adaptable
easy to
Replace the word
easily
manipulate
by others in Wrong verb form
manipulated
bad
or good Add an article
a bad
way
. So, Fix the agreement mistake
ways
parents
actually have the
vital role Correct article usage
a
about
to play with their loveable Change preposition
apply
childrens
, they can guide them better than anyone could. If Correct your spelling
children
children's
parents
teach their kids how to behave with other people as well as
how to be well recognized by
socially, that would be much more beneficial for Change preposition
apply
childrens
like growing age. Correct your spelling
children
children's
For example
, my parents
teach me how to be nice with
guests when they come to our house, I was Change preposition
to
little
naughty at the age of 8 but my Correct article usage
a little
parents
by providing love and care they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
manage
to Wrong verb form
managed
made
me a better person now so that I can fit on a good Wrong verb form
make
society
.
On the other hand
, those who consider that schools
are the best learning area for their child rather than offering their knowledge and filled with love teaching system. Yes, schools
are really
important part of their life but only Correct article usage
a really
schools
can't fix all the childish issue
. Fix the agreement mistake
issues
For instance
, a boy who always get
bullied by the other student in his school because Change the verb form
gets
of
he Change preposition
apply
is
Correct your spelling
his
skiny
Correct your spelling
skinny
at
body figure, Change preposition
apply
he
stopped going Correct pronoun usage
apply
school
until his Fix the infinitive
to school
parents
teach him that they are just your
friends and they will always make fun of you only friends are make fun of us that's why we address them as a friend. The mother said you can Correct pronoun usage
apply
also
make fun of your friends. After that
the Add a comma
that,
school boy
understood how to adjust Correct your spelling
schoolboy
with
socially and he never stopped going Change preposition
apply
Change preposition
to schools
schools
.
In conclusion, in my opinion, I think both Fix the agreement mistake
school
schools
and parents
a mixture of teaching system
can teach them wisely rather than depending on only one hope.Fix the agreement mistake
systems
Submitted by AL NURE FOYZUR REZA SUPRIO on
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coherence cohesion
Consider revising the introduction for clarity and conciseness. The repetition of certain phrases and small inaccuracies might make it less effective.
task achievement
While you provide examples, ensure that each example is directly relevant to the main points. Some examples might need clearer links to the argument.
task achievement
The essay discusses both viewpoints, aligning with the essay prompt's requirement.
coherence cohesion
You have successfully included an introduction and a conclusion, which structure the essay well.
task achievement
You provide personal examples which add authenticity and interest to the argument.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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