These days, many children in western countries are overweight. What are the causes? What are the solutions?
In Western there are
alot
of Correct your spelling
a lot
children
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
have
overweight . Verb problem
are
This
is mainly due to
they have unhealthy
diet and they Add an article
an unhealthy
also
have a sedentary lifestyle. There are a number of solutions that can be implemented to deal with overweight .
Firstly
, the main reason why this
issuse
has occurred is that Correct your spelling
issue
the
Correct article usage
apply
children
have unhealthy dite
. Correct your spelling
diet
In other words
, they have junk food which have
Verb problem
is
a
high in sugar as Correct article usage
apply
wll
as fast food which Correct your spelling
well
also
have
high Verb problem
apply
of
calories . For Change preposition
in
examples
, cookies , pizza , pasta chocolate , soft drink and Fix the agreement mistake
example
chipes
. Correct your spelling
chips
Secodaly
, they lack Correct your spelling
Secondly
of
exercise most of Remove the preposition
apply
time
they Add an article
the time
are
stay and watch tv Unnecessary verb
apply
play
on ipad so they Wrong verb form
playing
spen
alot of time without doing Correct your spelling
spent
spend
any thing
just relaxing . Correct your spelling
anything
This
is because they cannot burn their
Change the word
the
calorise
in their body so they become fat.
There are two Correct your spelling
calories
calorie
effectives
solutions to solve Correct your spelling
effective
this
problem . One way to tackle this
is to ensure that their parents must be have
that their Change the verb form
have
children
eatting
healthily Correct your spelling
eating
such
as fruits , fish , meat and vegetables. By doing this
they
weight will be Correct pronoun usage
their
in
Change preposition
under
controlls
. Correct your spelling
control
controls
Anthor
method of dealing with Correct your spelling
Another
this
issuse
is that schools should encourage Correct your spelling
issue
children
to do
exercise Unnecessary verb
apply
at
one Change preposition
for
hours
during the day. Change to a singular noun
hour
That is
to say
Add a comma
say,
exersises
are most important way to Correct your spelling
exercise
be
Verb problem
make
thier
body healthy . Correct your spelling
their
For instance
, yoga , swimming and walking. therefore
, this
solution will help them to be in Correct article usage
the naturall
naturall
range.
Correct your spelling
natural
To sum up
, healthy food and doing an exersise
are effective in dealing with Correct your spelling
exercise
this
issuse
. If Correct your spelling
issue
thier
parents and schools implemented Correct your spelling
their
theses
solutions , Correct your spelling
these
there
rate of overweight Replace the word
their
of
Change preposition
apply
children
would soon drop.Submitted by s_syedy on
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task achievement
Try to include more examples and explanations to support your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Be cautious about spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'dite' instead of 'diet' and 'exersises' instead of 'exercises'.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the essay flows logically from one point to the next. Spend more time structuring arguments for clear communication.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion which helps frame the main points effectively.
task achievement
You've identified some important causes and solutions regarding the issue of overweight children, such as diet and exercise.
task achievement
Attempting to provide specific examples, such as 'chocolate, soft drink and chips', helps to clarify your points.