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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many animal species in the world are becoming extinct nowadays. Some people say that countries and individuals should protect these animals from dying out, while others say that we should concentrate more on the problems of human beings. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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The extinction of animal species is an important issue nowadays. Environmentalists argue that countries and
people
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 have to take responsibility for saving these
animals
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,
while
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 others say that the
problems
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 of human beings are more important.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and provide evidence as to why
people
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 must care about the environment and its endangered inhabitants. On the one hand, there is an argument that we should concentrate on human being's
problems
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. There are so many issues concerning
people
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 living on
this
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 earth,
such
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 as wars, hunger, diseases, and other life-threatening situations. It is wise to spend our limited resources to release suffering
people
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 from these
problems
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,rather than on wildlife.
For instance
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, by the huge amount of money
that is
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 been spending annually on keeping pandas safe , we can save millions of hungry children in Africa.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 are concerned about
environment
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the environment
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 and endangered
animals
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 and argue we are responsible for their lives because
this
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 is the result of our actions and manipulations of their habitats.
Moreover
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,
animals
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 and human beings are all parts of one ecosystem, and
according to
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 the Butterfly Effect, the collapsing of one part will paralyze the other parts.
For example
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, if ants become extinct, so will our farming industry which will result in famine and hunger. In short,
although
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animals
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 are not directly involved in our lives, I believe ignoring them will lead to more serious
problems
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. In conclusion, the lives and
problems
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 of any living being are important and require consideration. In my opinion, we can not be indifferent to other living creatures, since
this
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 ignorance will have disastrous impacts on our own being.

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coherence cohesion
Remember to use linking words and phrases more frequently to enhance the flow of your argument. This will make your essay smoother and more enjoyable to read.
task achievement
While you provide relevant examples for both sides, consider integrating more detailed examples or evidence to strengthen your arguments. This will demonstrate a higher level of understanding.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both well-structured, clearly presenting the topic and summarizing your opinion effectively.
task achievement
You've managed to provide a balanced discussion on both views, which is a key part of the task response.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • cascading effects
  • economic impacts
  • ecosystem
  • endangered species
  • environmental conservation
  • human welfare
  • moral duty
  • preserve
  • sustainable practices
  • habitats
  • interconnected
  • extinction
  • advocates
  • opponents
  • priority
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