IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays people are moving to other countries for seeking job.some people think it affects the childrens of such home negatively While someothers rhink it is beneficial to them. Discuss both sides and state your opinion.

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In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary world, more and more people emigrate in order to find better
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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. Some people
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
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 that it has disadvantages for children of these families.
While
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otheres
Correct your spelling
others
, Myself included, subscribe to the view that
this
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 is beneficial for their children. On the one hand, it is said that emigration could bring about negative consequences for
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 because they get away from the environment which they are used to. Changing the environment which is not familiar
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 them could frighten them.
Forthermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
,
another challenges
Replace the adjective
another challenge
other challenges
show examples
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 could face is
language
Add an article
the language
a language
show examples
 barrier. They might not be good enough in the
langouage
Correct your spelling
language
 of
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
 country،
therefore
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, finding friends could be a huge problem for them.
For example
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, most of the youngsters who live in Iran are not familiar with the other languages and when they move to another country with their parents they hardly can find
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
 there.
On the other hand
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, moving to another country
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 children an opportunity to see other cultures and learn from them. They can find friends from
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
 cultures and be
involve
Change the form of the verb
involved
show examples
 with their positive and even negative behaviours,
hence
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 , they can develop their personality and behaviours.
Moreover
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, when families move to other countries for better job opportunities, the financial
circomstances
Correct your spelling
circumstances
 become better for the family.
Subsequently
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, parents can provide better facilities for their
offsprings
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offspring
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. To illustrate, caregivers in better financial
situation
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situations
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 can enroll their
offsprings
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offspring
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 in some
high level
Add a hyphen
high-level
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 schools. In conclusion, some people think that moving to
another countries
Replace the adjective
another country
other countries
show examples
 can have some negative impacts on them
such
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 as
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 in finding friends
due to
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language
Correct article usage
the language
show examples
 barrier and their scare of the new place.
However
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, I agree with those who believe the better financial situation of the parents and the opportunity for them to learn and involve with other cultures, are more beneficial for them.

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. For example, you can discuss how children adapt to new environments over time with real-world examples or studies.
task achievement
Ensure consistent use of language throughout the essay to improve clarity and reduce errors. Pay attention to the spelling and grammar.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion that frames the essay well.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, which is very important for this type of task.
coherence cohesion
The ideas are organized logically, which makes it easier for the reader to understand your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Exposure
  • Diverse cultures
  • Broadened perspectives
  • Emotional stress
  • Adjusting
  • Identity confusion
  • Disconnection
  • Support systems
  • Mitigate
  • Economic necessity
  • Career advancement
  • Integrate
  • Adapt
  • Transition
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