Some school children buy healthy food from the school cafeteria. However, some buy unhealthy food. What are the reasons for both these situations? Should schools be allowed to sell unhealthy food?

There is no denying the fact that children's
food
is a very
importent
Correct your spelling
important
thing for
them
Change the pronoun
their
show examples
health there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
two
teyps
Correct your spelling
types
type
of
chlidren
Correct your spelling
children
fist one
prefar
Correct your spelling
prefer
healthy
food
and
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
like unhealthy
food
, as we know kids spend more than 5
houer
Correct your spelling
hours
hour
at
scool
Correct your spelling
school
we need to fouce on them
food
at school.
This
essay will
discusse
Correct your spelling
discuss
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
both these situations and if
schools
can be allowed to sell unhealthy
food
. There
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
many reasons for both
side
Change to a plural noun
sides
show examples
.
Firstly
food
is playing
Wrong verb form
plays
show examples
a significant role
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
and health, in
other word
Change the wording
another word
other words
show examples
, when
thay
Correct your spelling
they
like to eat healthy
food
it is become reflected
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
them
Change the pronoun
their
show examples
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
and the mind.
In addition
, kids
how
Correct word choice
who
show examples
eat and like unhealthy
food
will be
after
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
while
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
a bad mood,
no
Add a missing verb
have no
show examples
energy and can not focus on
them
Change the pronoun
their
show examples
classes and education side
for example
, there is
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
of students
are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
show examples
drinking energy drinks
evry
Correct your spelling
every
day
thay
Correct your spelling
that
thing
Correct your spelling
think
show examples
it is a good to focus and study. In terms of, should
schools
be allowed to sell
unheathy
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
food
in my
opinon
Correct your spelling
opinion
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
think no
schools
should only sell healthy
food
becouse
Correct your spelling
because
when kids see
food
thay
Correct your spelling
they
like
thay
Correct your spelling
they
can not make
balnce
Correct your spelling
balance
and
thay
Correct your spelling
they
will eat, it is
also
possible to say that
schools
can make
heathy
Correct your spelling
healthy
show examples
food
in
fun
Add an article
a fun
show examples
and interesting way to make children eat
them
Change the pronoun
their
show examples
food
for
intance
Correct your spelling
instance
,
thay
Correct your spelling
they
can make
party
Add an article
the party
a party
show examples
. In conclusion, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
many
opnion
Correct your spelling
opinions
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
food
, it is
also
true that
schools
need to sell
heathy
Correct your spelling
healthy
show examples
food
.
Submitted by mona11omar33 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and logical structure, focus on organizing your ideas more clearly. Ensure that each paragraph discusses a single point and has a clear topic sentence.
coherence cohesion
Try to use more linking words and phrases to create better transitions between ideas and paragraphs. This will help readers follow your arguments more easily.
task achievement
Make sure your main points are well-supported with specific examples or evidence. This will strengthen your argument and fulfill the task requirements more effectively.
task achievement
Clarify your arguments by developing them more fully with detailed explanations. This will help convey your ideas more clearly to the reader.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the issue, discussing reasons for both healthy and unhealthy eating habits among school children.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, helping to frame the essay.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address the issue of whether schools should sell unhealthy food, showing engagement with the task.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: