Nowadays, when popular consumer products sell well, it is not because of societal requirements but because of advertising's influence. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is argued that in recent decades, the major reason behind the increasing
sell
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sale

The word sell doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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of
products
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is the impact of advertisements
not
Add the comma(s)
, not

It appears that you are missing a comma or two with the negative appositive advertisements not the individuals' needs. Consider adding the comma(s).

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the individuals' needs. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

assertion since adolescents and younger adults are readily influenced by these promotions . First and foremost, needless to say,
the
Correct article usage
apply

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most advertisement companies target children in order to evoke their immediate interest. Since teenagers are not mature enough to make
a
Correct article usage
apply

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rational
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions

It seems that decision may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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and cannot consider the
consequenses
Correct your spelling
consequences

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o
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of

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their choices , they opt for the items which are frequently
publisized
Correct your spelling
published

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.
For instance
Linking Words

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, in Iran, many chocolate producers tend to use colorful packages and
celebrities endorsement
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celebrity endorsements

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to attract children.
Therfore
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Therefore

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, most teenagers pester their parents to purchase these
products
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every day.
Moreover
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,
due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

creating artificial needs among people
by
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through

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advertising , more and more individuals are likely to be inclined
in
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to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the items which they
are
Verb problem
do

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not
needed
Wrong verb form
need

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb needed. Consider changing it.

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. Many companies are striving to show their
products
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

appealing
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as appealing

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and practical for a certain problem, including overweightness or a high-end mobile
phon
Correct your spelling
phone

The word phon doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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. To clarify my point , young men and women are more likely to be persuaded by the promotion of drugs which help
lose
Correct pronoun usage
them lose

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weight and become more attractive in their peer groups.
To conclude
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, for
aforementioned
Correct article usage
the aforementioned

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reasons I hold the position that
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements

It seems that advertisement may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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play a significant role in marketing by convincing individuals,
specially
Replace the word
especially

The word specially may be used incorrectly. Review the following notes to determine the appropriate usage for your context.

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adolescents, to make
purchase
Fix the agreement mistake
purchases

It seems that purchase may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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. They tend to create demands or
exagerating
Correct your spelling
exaggerate

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the specification of their
products
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

as a useful and appealing one.
Submitted by naghnagh2727 on

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Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear position on the topic and maintains it throughout. However, expanding on your points with more detailed evidence would strengthen your argument and demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the discussion.
Task Achievement
Some of your points could benefit from further explanation or examples. Ensuring each argument is explored thoroughly and fully connected to the central thesis is key for improving task response.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance coherence, make sure each paragraph logically flows into the next. While the connection between ideas is generally clear, strengthening transitions will make your essay more cohesive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on further developing the logical structure in your essay. While it is generally clear, improving transitions between ideas and ensuring each paragraph ties back to the overall argument can help.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay includes a strong conclusion that effectively summarizes your main points, which is a crucial component of essay writing.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay's introduction clearly states your position on the topic, setting up a clear argument for the reader.
Task Achievement
You provide specific examples to support your claims, such as the mention of Iranian chocolate producers using colorful packaging to attract teenagers.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • societal requirements
  • advertising influence
  • consumer preferences
  • persuasive techniques
  • emotional appeals
  • strategic branding
  • purchasing decisions
  • effective marketing campaigns
  • promotion
  • luxury items
  • sugary snacks
  • fashion trends
  • essential value
  • genuine societal requirements
  • evolving needs
  • eco-friendly products
  • health-related goods
  • blurred line
  • amplify
  • true demand
  • marketing strategies
What to do next:
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