Nowadays, when popular consumer products sell well, it is not because of societal requirements but because of advertising's influence. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is argued that in recent decades, the major reason behind the increasing
sell
of Replace the word
sale
products
is the impact of advertisements not
the individuals' needs. I strongly agree with Add the comma(s)
, not
this
assertion since adolescents and younger adults are readily influenced by these promotions .
First and foremost, needless to say, the
most advertisement companies target children in order to evoke their immediate interest. Since teenagers are not mature enough to make Correct article usage
apply
a
rational Correct article usage
apply
decision
and cannot consider the Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
consequenses
Correct your spelling
consequences
o
their choices , they opt for the items which are frequently Change preposition
of
publisized
. Correct your spelling
published
For instance
, in Iran, many chocolate producers tend to use colorful packages and celebrities endorsement
to attract children. Fix the agreement mistake
celebrity endorsements
Therfore
, most teenagers pester their parents to purchase these Correct your spelling
Therefore
products
every day.
Moreover
, due to
creating artificial needs among people by
advertising , more and more individuals are likely to be inclined Change preposition
through
in
the items which they Change preposition
to
are
not Verb problem
do
needed
. Many companies are striving to show their Wrong verb form
need
products
appealing
and practical for a certain problem, including overweightness or a high-end mobile Change preposition
as appealing
phon
. To clarify my point , young men and women are more likely to be persuaded by the promotion of drugs which help Correct your spelling
phone
lose
weight and become more attractive in their peer groups.
Correct pronoun usage
them lose
To conclude
, for aforementioned
reasons I hold the position that Correct article usage
the aforementioned
advertisement
play a significant role in marketing by convincing individuals, Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
specially
adolescents, to make Replace the word
especially
purchase
. They tend to create demands or Fix the agreement mistake
purchases
exagerating
the specification of their Correct your spelling
exaggerate
products
as a useful and appealing one.Submitted by naghnagh2727 on
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Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear position on the topic and maintains it throughout. However, expanding on your points with more detailed evidence would strengthen your argument and demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the discussion.
Task Achievement
Some of your points could benefit from further explanation or examples. Ensuring each argument is explored thoroughly and fully connected to the central thesis is key for improving task response.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance coherence, make sure each paragraph logically flows into the next. While the connection between ideas is generally clear, strengthening transitions will make your essay more cohesive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on further developing the logical structure in your essay. While it is generally clear, improving transitions between ideas and ensuring each paragraph ties back to the overall argument can help.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay includes a strong conclusion that effectively summarizes your main points, which is a crucial component of essay writing.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay's introduction clearly states your position on the topic, setting up a clear argument for the reader.
Task Achievement
You provide specific examples to support your claims, such as the mention of Iranian chocolate producers using colorful packaging to attract teenagers.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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