IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the results of a survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most happy. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the results of a survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most happy. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #results #survey #people #age #groups #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The two pie charts give information about how different 6
factors
Use synonyms
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
 most people happy
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 two different ages .
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that achievement at work was the most significant part of
makes
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 people happy at all ages . In comparison to the other
factors
Use synonyms
 was the smallest segment in
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 pie charts .
Resident
Fix the agreement mistake
Residents
show examples
 under 30 , Achievement at work made up the biggest part of the chart which qualified
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 31 % . Doing hobbies dropped to 22% respectively. Having a good appearance was the smallest a minority accounted for 18 percent . Other
factors
Use synonyms
 and travelling were the smallest
segment
Change the noun form
segments
show examples
 other
factors
Use synonyms
 was 14% and travelling was 15% . Population over 30 years old have lowes contributed in all
factors
Use synonyms
. Achievement at work
also
Linking Words
 was the largest segment for people over 30 which
qualifier
Correct your spelling
qualifies
show examples
 to almost a third.
Linking Words
While the
Correct word choice
The
show examples
 least significant part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
factors
Use synonyms
 was the other
factors
Use synonyms
accounted
Wrong verb form
accounting
show examples
 for one in ten . Financial security these figures rose to a fifth. Doing hobbies had a slight growth of 24% . Being with family declined by a minority
14
Change preposition
of 14
show examples
% .
Submitted by a.almakmari93 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words factors with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • survey
  • age groups
  • responses
  • happiness factors
  • participants
  • contribute
  • compare
  • patterns
  • differences
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