IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that starting school at an earlier age is very beneficial for children,while others believe that children must stay home and attend to school at the age of 7. In your opinion,what are the advantages of attending school before the age of 7

#people #school #age #children #home
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Education has an important role in
molding
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moulding
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 to be the best version of themselves. It helps them to understand the things that cannot be easily explained at home by their parents and it should start at
their
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a
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 young
age
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. Whilst, other
people
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has
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have
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 strongly
agree
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agreed
show examples
 that
children
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 should attend
school
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 at the
age
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 of 7, I believe that it is more
advantegous
Correct your spelling
advantageous
 for the
children
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as well as
Linking Words
 their parents to bring their
children
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at
Change preposition
to
show examples
school
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 before the
age
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 of 7.
Firstly
Linking Words
, attending
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 at
early
Add an article
an early
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age
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 like 4,5 or 6 years old will
mold
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mould
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 the
childrens'
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children's
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 interest in
school
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 as it will help them familiarize
Correct pronoun usage
themselves to
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to
Change preposition
with
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 the scenario usually done at
school
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.
For example
Linking Words
, a child who was brought to
school
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 early has a positive acceptance
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the situation happening in the
school
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 as they were more comfortable and not shy to deal
Change preposition
with anthing
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anthing
Correct your spelling
anything
 that has something to do with their learning.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
children
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 who attended
school
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 before the
age
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 of 7 become more sociable as they are exposed early to different
people
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 at
school
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.
For example
Linking Words
,
children
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were
Wrong verb form
are
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 likely
Fix the infinitive
to stays
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stays
Correct subject-verb agreement
stay
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 at home and just meet few
people
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 during their early years which
Wrong verb form
results
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resulted
Add the preposition
resulted in
resulted from
show examples
 them to be not sociable with other
people
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, but, when they attend
school
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 before the
age
Use synonyms
 of 7 they will be comfortable
Correct word choice
and sorrounded
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sorrounded
Correct your spelling
surrounded
 by other
people
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. In conclusion, attending
school
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 before the
age
Use synonyms
 of 7 will be more advantageous to students to become more independent and sociable, which helps them to grow for
better
Correct article usage
the better
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 and not
afraid
Add a missing verb
be afraid
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what
Change preposition
of what
show examples
 will come
along
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their way.
Submitted by rodadoctor2 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance the logical structure, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next by using linking words or phrases. This improves readability and flow.
Task Achievement
Clarify your points with more detailed explanations and stronger examples. Providing specific instances can make your arguments more convincing and relatable.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay clearly presents an introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the arguments presented.
Task Achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the prompt, addressing both sides of the issue briefly before stating a personal position.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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