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Band 5.5

Some people say that now we can see films on our phones and tabletd there is no need to go to the cinema. Others says that to fully enjoy, go to cinema. Discuss both views and provide your opinion?

#people #films #phones #tabletd #cinema
Almost half of the population believes that
money
 plays a crucial role when considering a
job
while
 others think the opposite .
This
 essay will explore both dimensions with rational explanations and concrete instances and shape my opinion on the matter by the end . On the one hand , people think a good package in a
job
 is really important to live a better lifestyle . In
this
 contemporary era, it's really hard to survive without
money
 ,if you have
money
 everyone will be around you . Nobody cares about you if you are broke even your family
that is
 the harsh reality of
this
 world .
Moreover
 ,
due to
 rapid inflation prices of everything
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 skyrocketing so for
survival
Add a comma
survival,
show examples
 you need a good-earning
job
.
On the other hand
 , some people believe that
money
 is not everything you need
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
job
 which you enjoy doing.
For instance
 , in a survey, it was found that 90% of people live longer and happier lives
who
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 enjoy their work rather than working for only
money
 .
Moreover
,if an employee is happy about the
job
 progress of that company going to way higher or same like high paying companies . In my opinion , I am a little more towards
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high-paying jobs because in the
end
Add a comma
end,
show examples
money
 matters to live a peaceful and healthy lifestyle . If you got the wealth happiness will be wandering around you .
However
, peace at the
job
 or doing a
job
 you enjoy
also
 plays a significant role in life .
Submitted by jashanheir975 on

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task achievement
Consider providing more detailed examples or evidence to support your arguments. For instance, specific scenarios or statistics can enhance the strength of your points.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining transitions between paragraphs to improve the flow of your essay. This can help in clearly leading the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your personal opinion is clearly linked to the arguments presented, and consider elaborating further on why you prioritize high-paying jobs.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly sets out both sides of the argument and states your intention to form an opinion.
task achievement
You acknowledged different perspectives and attempted to balance them, which enriches the discussion.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion summarizes the discussion and presents your opinion, which helps the reader understand your viewpoint.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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