IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The Internet dominates free-time for too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socializing with others. Do you agree or disagree?

In modern days internet
came
Wrong verb form
has come
show examples
 to that point that in some fields it
covered
Wrong verb form
covers
show examples
 a huge part.
Lets
Replace the word
Let's
Let us
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 just remember about the taxi. Do you even know a person who uses phone
call
Fix the agreement mistake
calls
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 to order one? Well, I don't either.
Also
Linking Words
, we
also
Linking Words
 can talk about
food
Correct article usage
the food
show examples
 delivery industry. Back in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
day
Add a comma
day,
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 it was not widespread of a
servise
Correct your spelling
service
 that not too much of
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
places
provided
Add a missing verb
were provided
show examples
 and even if they did it was only a separate department which worked only with one restaurant. Here I don't even mention that in order to get the delivery of your meal, you had to have at least a number of that place. But, look at that industry now. You don't have to go literally anywhere to eat out. You may have not only some kind of fast food delivered to your place but anything even from the finest places
of
Change preposition
in
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 your city. But, what is really mindblowing and a little scary fact is that it covers almost all of the entertainment industries at the moment. At the current point
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 time internet is just
Correct article usage
an uncompetable
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uncompetable
Correct your spelling
uncomputable
uncomfortable
 enemy in that field. Cinemas, festivals, concerts, games everything can be found and consumed without having even to get up
of
Change preposition
on
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 a sofa. Well, at first glance it may seem to be good and convenient, but look at that at
bigger
Add an article
a bigger
show examples
 scale. From ancient times till recent
days
Add a comma
days,
show examples
 a
croud
Correct your spelling
crowd
cloud
 in order to entertain itself had to do
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a little movements
Correct the article-noun agreement
a little movement
little movements
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 at least to achieve the destination of the event. What do we have with it now? Hundred of millions just
liying
Correct your spelling
lying
laying
 on their sofas and watching some stupid
mass producted
Correct your spelling
mass-produced
 series and as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time goes
getting
Wrong verb form
on, we get
show examples
 more and more
chronical
Correct your spelling
chronic
 health issues
such
Linking Words
 as
obecity
Correct your spelling
obesity
.
Summerising
Correct your spelling
Summarising
Summarizing
, I want to say that even having the good
efect
Correct your spelling
effect
 on those who
uses
Change the verb form
use
show examples
web
Add an article
the web
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 for something
intelectual
Correct your spelling
intellectual
 and beautiful, the
wast
Correct your spelling
vast
show examples
 majority of internet users are just garbaging their head and increasing fat percentage
while
Linking Words
 using it

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task achievement
Your introduction could be clearer by explicitly stating your opinion on the topic. It should directly indicate whether you agree or disagree with the statement.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear structure: introduce your main points logically, followed by supporting arguments, and conclude effectively. Make sure each paragraph focuses on one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Try to avoid informal language and contractions like 'lets just', 'you may have', or 'stupid'. Use more formal language to improve the academic tone of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Be cautious of grammatical errors and typos, such as 'a croud' (crowd), 'obecity' (obesity), and 'garbaging' (garbage). Proofreading can greatly enhance the quality of your writing.
supported main points
You provided relevant examples of how the internet has changed industries like taxi service and food delivery, which helps to support your argument.
clear comprehensive ideas
You expressed a viewpoint that reflects a concern towards the negative impact of the internet on social behavior and health, which is important in the context of the question.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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