IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The Internet dominates free-time for too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socializing with others. Do you agree or disagree?

In
this
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essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 we will talk about
domination
Correct article usage
the domination
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 over free
time
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 for many people, which can make people lazy and prevent them from
socialazing
Correct your spelling
socialising
 with others! First of all, I want to agree with
this
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 statement,
bcause
Correct your spelling
because
that is
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 one of
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
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 problems in our society, when people spend a lot of
time
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 using their
gadgets
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instead
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 of relaxing from them. When I was a child, we did not have any mobile phones or tablets, so we could walk all day playing with other children. Sometimes it was even hard for our parents to ask us to go home, because we were busy playing with different games, so we could walk till the evening and
then
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 just come back to the home, eat and go to bed, with no
gadgets
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, living our best lives. As for
now
Punctuation problem
now,
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 we can see a different picture when our children spend more
time
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 playing on
gadgets
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instead
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 of spending
time
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 and playing with others.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
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Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
 plays a vital role today, as we can do everything with a smartphone, it simplifies
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life, as we can pay bills, talk to our relatives using
facetime
Use the right word
FaceTime
show examples
 when they are abroad, watch
moovies
Correct your spelling
movies
 or cartoons, use text messages
instead
Linking Words
 of calls, which is even more convenient. We could not even work without
Use synonyms
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
and
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, and
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now
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now,
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 since we are working from home, we can do that from any place
, all
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. All
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 you will need
- good
Verb problem
is - good
show examples
Internet
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 connection,
laptop
Correct article usage
a laptop
show examples
 and several screens
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 you can keep working even when you are on vacation with family. In conclusion, I must say that developing technologies is good and more simple to resolve different questions with several taps,
however
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, it is more importat to relax from your
gadgets
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 when you are done working and spend
time
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 with family, friends, communticate with each other and let your eyes relax as well, since it
also
Linking Words
 influence on your health, especially when you are working all day in front of several mirrors!

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coherence
Make the flow of the essay clear. Each part should start with a strong idea.
coherence
Add more proof for each idea. Use one clear example per point.
language
Check spelling and grammar. Fix mistakes like bcause and moovies.
task
State your view in the first part and restate it at the end.
language
Keep sentences short and use simple words.
idea
The idea of internet as a problem is clear.
structure
Two sides are shown with 'On the other hand'.
structure
There is a closing line.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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