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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below sgives information about the percentage of the population in four asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below sgives information about the percentage of the population in four asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The graph provides data about the percentage of the
population
Use synonyms
 living in cities during the time period between 1970 and 2020 in four countries, located in the Asian region.
Also
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 graph contains the possible phenomena for 2030 and 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Malaysia
Use synonyms
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 seen gradual growth and had the highest
population
Use synonyms
 till 2020 and is expected to hold the position
according to
Linking Words
 the prediction.
On the contrary
Linking Words
,
Thailand
Use synonyms
 had the second lowest
population
Use synonyms
 from the beginning which eventually saw a downfall, making it the city with the lowest percentage of
population
Use synonyms
 not only till 2020 but
also
Linking Words
at the end
Linking Words
 of 2040 as per the prophecy. During the timeline of 1970 to 2020, both
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 and
Philipines
Correct article usage
the Philipines
show examples
 shared almost the same percentage of city-living people, 30% and just above 30%
consequently
Linking Words
,
whereas
Linking Words
Thailand
Use synonyms
 had a little shy of 20% and Indonesia had more than 10%
Change preposition
of populations
show examples
populations
Fix the agreement mistake
population
show examples
.
At the end
Linking Words
 of the timeline,
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 held the top position with a shy of 80%, followed by Indonesia,
Philipines
Correct article usage
the Philipines
show examples
 and
Thailand
Use synonyms
 with 50%, over 40% and a bit short of 30%
cosecutively
Correct your spelling
consecutively
. The leaderboard remained the same even after 2040, indicating
Malaysia
Use synonyms
, Indonesia, Philipines and
Thailand
Use synonyms
 with almost 80%, 60%, 50% and 45% consecutively.
Submitted by jisan.path1506605 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, at the end".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, malaysia, thailand with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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