Some people say that computer skills should be added to primary subjects in elementary school such as reading, writing and math. How far do you agree or disagree?
It is true that the technology plays a vital role in our society today. Meanwhile, some people assert that
computer
skills
should be a part of primary education for kids
in school, considering this
skill to be as important as other compulsory subjects. In my opinion, while
learning some techniques about computing is a positive approach for children
's development, but
there are some potential problems for Correct word choice
apply
kids
to reach computer
at such
young
age.
Learning Correct article usage
a young
computer
skills
help children
catch up with the modern trend and at the same time develop their understanding of technology. Nowadays, kids
are exposed in
Change preposition
to
an
technology-leading era, and they have easy access to every information on the internet. Change the article
a
As a result
, they should be educated to utilize computers appropriately in order to be up-to-date with the fast developing
society. Add a hyphen
fast-developing
Furthermore
, giving children
the ideas
of using computers could help them to adapt Fix the agreement mistake
idea
for
future challenges in academic performance. As Change preposition
to
the
education today is often accompanied by the need Correct article usage
apply
of
Change preposition
for
computer
, Fix the agreement mistake
computers
kids
could learn it
earlier and be fully prepared for the tasks of their studies. Correct pronoun usage
apply
Therefore
, they could be more confident when entering higher education,
Admittedly, using computer
is considered Add an article
a computer
the computer
as
a crucial skill in today's world. Change preposition
apply
However
, for kids
to learn it in elementary school might be too challenging as their minds are not as mature. For kids
to consume computing skills
leads to a
potential harm for their brain and eyes. According Remove the article
apply
from
authorities, Change preposition
to
kids
' brains are more fragile than adults and they are more easily to be influenced by what they have seen. Therefore
, it is encouraged for kids
to stay away from the
Correct article usage
apply
electronical
devices as their bodies are not ready yet. Personally, I am not in favour of adding Correct your spelling
electronic
computer
skills
as a main subject for kids
. Instead
of focusing their
development of Change preposition
on their
skills
, we should prioritize their mental and physical health.
In conclusion, even there
are significant benefits for Correct word choice
though there
kids
to learn computing skills
, I am not agree
with Change the verb form
do not agree
this
installment
in elementary schools as it could cause some Change the spelling
instalment
irreversable
issues for the Correct your spelling
irreversible
overall
growth of children
.Submitted by a0979181071 on
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task achievement
You have addressed the task by discussing both the benefits and challenges of including computer skills in elementary education. However, to enhance task achievement, try to include more specific examples and evidence to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, your essay is generally well-organized with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Work on using more transition phrases to help guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that encapsulate your main ideas effectively.
task achievement
You successfully highlight some of the benefits of teaching computer skills to children, demonstrating a good grasp of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.