Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion
Nowadays there has been a heated debate about whether the rising number of sportive infrastructures improves citizens' general
health
or not, in this
essay, I will analyze both views.
On the one hand, without a doubt, practising sports
has a positive impact on people
's health
overall
. According to
scientists and researchers, physical activity has a key role in longevity, hence
, physicians suggest doing 150 to 300 minutes of cardiovascular training per week, preferably in conjunction with resistance training using weights. So, increasing the amount of sports
facilities might encourage people
to move more and get better. In fact, by going there, people
with interest in the same sports
can meet and enjoy it more!
On the other hand
, sports
are not magical and public health
needs also
other measures. For example
, vaccines are essential for society, because they preserve the most fragile people
like the elderly and kids. Therefore
, by enlarging the number of vaccinated citizens, diseases can spread less easily.
Another action is , for instance
, educating the population to avoid certain infections. This
happened for HIV,
because we still do not have a cure for Remove the comma
apply
this
virus, preventing the contagion is mandatory for their survival.
In conclusion, I believe that increasing the amount of sports
facilities is important but not enough, instead
, is the number of hospitals that should rise. Thus
, only thanks to government measures this
will happen, public health
should be prioritized and more investments should be made. I think having a well-being population should be the most important thing for administrations.Submitted by alessandro.talese on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on enhancing logical flow and transitions between ideas. For instance, while you provide relevant examples for both sides, the transitions between discussing sports and other health measures could be smoother. Consider using linking words or phrases to make the essay more cohesive.
Task Response
Expand on examples to bolster your arguments. For instance, while discussing vaccines, you could provide more specific instances of health initiatives or campaigns that have improved public health.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly stated, providing a well-rounded structure to the essay.
Task Response
The essay adequately addresses both views, presenting a balanced discussion before stating a personal opinion.
Task Response
The main points are supported with relevant general examples, especially regarding the benefits of sports and the role of vaccinations.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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