IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

it is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Money
Use synonyms
 is crucial, and learning how to manage it is an essential lesson for everyone.
Therefore
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, saving is one vital step to keep financial health. In my view, I principally agree that
people
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 need to save
money
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 even when they are young. On the one hand, saving for emergencies is rational, since life is always unpredictable. A sufficient
savings
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 account may assist
people
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 in overcoming many adversities,
such
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 as accidents, illness, or unemployment.
For example
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, during the pandemic in 2019,
people
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 who didn't have
savings
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 had to face a harder scenario, because of diminishing income sources, plus insufficient
savings
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 to deal with the crisis.
Additionally
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, saving
money
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 is vital for young generations who want to get an education or achieve their goals, that's the reason young
people
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 need to save
money
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 earlier. Many ambitious youngsters pursue advanced college education for bright prospects, but the tuition in top universities is generally expensive.
Hence
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, saving
money
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 at an early age could be a solution.
However
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, saving is not always the most efficient way to achieve financial freedom from a professional financial perspective. First of all,
savings
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accounts
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 in banks merely offer a minimum interest rate compared to the inflation rate and economic growth, which means
people
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 would lose their
money
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 gradually in
savings
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accounts
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.
Secondly
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, as a cautionary asset manager, it is necessary to weigh the returns and risks from saving
accounts
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 against the potential rewards that the same amount of
money
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 could bring back, so-called opportunity costs.
For instance
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,
people
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 could consider whether to save their
money
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 in bank
accounts
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 or invest it in the stock market, since if
people
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 wish to collect wealth for their future, the stock market usually offers better returns depending on its historical performance. In conclusion, saving
money
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 is a fundamental ability for everyone to survive.
Nevertheless
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, younger generations are
also
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 obligated to acquire more knowledge and skills in personal finance, undoubtedly, saving is not the best option sometimes.

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task achievement
To enhance task achievement, you could further explore potential counterarguments or expand on how young people might find it challenging to save money due to various modern pressures.
coherence cohesion
Consider summarizing your main points more succinctly in the conclusion to reinforce the argument, enhancing its impact.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the prompt, tackling the need for young people to save money effectively.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure is maintained throughout the essay, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively introduce and summarize the main points of the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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