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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish.

#people #professionals #doctors #engineers #work #country
Some individuals argue that professionals,
such
 as
doctors
 and engineers,
consider
Verb problem
should
show examples
 be required to get a job in the nation where they did their coaching. The other people are of the opinion that they
are allow
Change the verb form
are allowed
show examples
 to get
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
freedom in occupation in another region if they want.
This
 essay will discuss both views from my perspective. One obvious thing about working in another
country
 is that they can get a lot of experience and the
quality
 of the
work
 training which cannot be reach reached in their own
country
.
This
 experience and
quality
 in
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
an occupation in other nations might
better
Add a missing verb
be better
show examples
 than
a
Change preposition
in a
show examples
local place.
For example
, a person who worked in Microsoft corporation in America to hone their computer engineering skills
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 can bring abundant knowledge to their local nation to increase the
quality
 of the company in their local
area
 if they want to return to their homeland.
In addition
,
taking
Change preposition
by taking
show examples
 a job after
experienced
Wrong verb form
experiencing
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
coaching in another nation, people can have more
salary
 and reduce the number of unemployed in the local
country
 itself.
For instance
, for Indonesian citizens whose major
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 management skills as the majority, the
work
 field
already
Add a missing verb
is already
show examples
 limited and they only be paid with low
salary
. Meanwhile,
Swiss
Correct article usage
the Swiss
show examples
 government need more workers,
then
 they open a lot of job
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
 that
Add a missing verb
have the
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 major
is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 management skills and the government promises will pay them
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a high
salary
.
On the other hand
,
people
Change preposition
for people
show examples
 who take their occupation in their own
country
 after
do
Change the verb form
doing
show examples
 a training, the government can provide a guaranteed
quality
 of the employees domestic
due to
 the fact that professionals
such
 as
doctors
 and engineers in that region already fulfil a standard and a qualification.
Thus
, society who want to take consultation with
doctors
 and engineers
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 trusts
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them because they know how hard the training is. As an illustration, Japanese citizens who wish to become
doctors
 and take coaching in Japan
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 must have a score
at
Change preposition
of at
show examples
 least 85 in biology. Meanwhile, if they take a practice in a
country
 where the
quality
 and the qualification
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 under Japan, they cannot be accepted when they want to
work
 as a doctor in their homeland. In my view,
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 in another
area
 can bring some advantages
such
 as a lot of experience and a high
salary
.
Besides
,
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 in own
area
 can
also
 give a benefit like a guarantee
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the workers which
increased
Wrong verb form
increases
show examples
 the public trust in that
area
.
Submitted by endrueliutamalo on

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Task Response
Ensure that each main idea or perspective being discussed is fully developed with relevant examples. For instance, the point about the benefits of working in one's own country due to guaranteed quality can be expanded with more examples and analysis.
Coherence and Cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and vocabulary choice. Some of the phrases could be clearer and more precise. For example, phrases such as "consider be required" and "allow to get a freedom in occupation" could be refined for better clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to achieve a balance in discussing both sides of the argument. While the essay covers both perspectives, the supporting details for each could be more evenly developed.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, outlining both sides of the argument about professionals working either in their home country or abroad.
Task Response
The student has made genuine efforts to present their perspective and supported it with examples, such as the reference to Microsoft and the salary situation in Switzerland.
Task Response
The examples used in the essay, although they could be expanded upon, effectively illustrate the points being made regarding experience, salary differences, and public trust in professionals.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • professionals
  • doctors
  • engineers
  • required
  • training
  • home country
  • cultural
  • linguistic
  • advantages
  • economic impact
  • free
  • another country
  • globalization
  • international collaboration
  • improving
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • experience
  • opinion
What to do next:
Look at other essays: