Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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Nowadays, a lot of various animal species are at the edge of extinction,
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consequently
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consequently,
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plenty of people undertake measures to prevent that. In
this
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essay
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essay,
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I will list two possible
problems
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as well as
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give a solution for both of them. One of the possible
problems
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is the existence of the black market.
This
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is the place where people can buy rare (and often illegally obtained) trophies. Some of them are obtained from rare species of animals.
For example
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, not so long ago a lot of bounty hunters were following and killing African elephants to get their tusks. Because of that the population of
this
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animal decreased drastically. (The other) Another problem is
also
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caused by humans.
Due to
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(Caused by) the progress made by humankind, a lot of natural habitats can be destroyed leading to the extinction of animals living there. In fact, scientists say that it can be the biggest problem in the future because of rising sea levels and rapidly increasing average
temperature
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temperatures
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.
However
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, there is at least one solution that can solve both of these
problems
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. Building and maintaining national parks can save some animal species from vanishing/becoming endangered. By creating (preserving) them people can not only
assure
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ensure
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that natural
habitat
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habitats
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and animals will be preserved (unharmed), but they
also
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will be protected from bounty hunters,(because)
due to
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the guards and security measures out (introduced, maintained) there.
For example
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, building new national parks in some African countries helped to preserve the population of elephants living there. It increased significantly in the span of the
last
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15 years.
To conclude
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, there are in my opinion two main
problems
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that need to be addressed: poachers and black market existence
besides
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destruction
Correct article usage
the destruction
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of natural habitats caused by humans.
Constracting
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Constructing
Contracting
and maintaining preservation parks can be a solution to both of them.
Submitted by isakov.iv1 on

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task achievement
Ensure that all ideas are fully developed and connected to the main topic. Some points in the essay could be further elaborated to provide a more comprehensive answer.
coherence cohesion
Use conjunctions and linking words consistently to improve the flow of ideas. Although your essay is generally coherent, there are areas where transitions could be smoother.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly presents the topic and sets up the essay's structure by summarizing the content to come.
relevant specific examples
You used relevant and specific examples, such as the African elephant case, which effectively illustrate your points.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion ties up the main ideas neatly, restating the problems and solution you've discussed.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • species extinction
  • endangered animals
  • biodiversity
  • habitat loss
  • deforestation
  • urbanization
  • poaching
  • illegal wildlife trade
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • conservation efforts
  • legislation
  • enforcement
  • human overpopulation
  • sustainable development
  • responsible consumption
  • education
  • awareness programs
  • protected areas
  • wildlife reserves
  • international cooperation
  • collaboration
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