IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many people believe that scientific research should be carried out and controlled by gorvernments rather than private companies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #research #gorvernments #companies
Many argue that scientific research should only be controlled by the government, others hold the view that
individuals
Change the noun form
individual
show examples
 companies should be allowed to do
reseaches
Correct your spelling
researches
research
 on their own. I firmly believe that both sides should be allowed as they hold their own positive and negative aspects. The following paragraphs will discuss
this
 in detail.
To begin
 with, science
exepriments
Correct your spelling
experiments
facilites
Correct your spelling
facilities
 should mostly be controlled by the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
.
This
 leads to the fact that many random facilities could be doing forbidden stuff without the
acknowledge
Replace the word
acknowledgement
show examples
 of people in power. For illustration, many facilities that have been known as science facilities in Brazil actually ended up being
places
 to produce and sell drugs.
Thus
, it is crucial that governments watch over these
places
 to ensure no regulations are being
vaiolated
Correct your spelling
violated
.
Conversely
,
while
 it is important to watch over
scientits
Correct your spelling
scientists
, they can feel
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
heavy pressure because of that which can reduce their performance.
In addition
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of
scientits
Correct your spelling
scientists
 prefer to work in quiet
places
 without getting interrupted.
For instance
, one of
Oxford
Change noun form
Oxford's
show examples
 researchers showed a
signifacnt
Correct your spelling
significant
reduce
Replace the word
reduction
show examples
 in performance when he was being watched.
Hence
, researcher having their own companies can make them feel more comfortable and relaxed. In conclusion,
although
 scientists need their own areas where they can do their work peacefully, it is crucial for the government to look over these
places
 to make sure everything is
being followed by
Wrong verb form
following
show examples
 the laws of the country. Ultimately,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that researchers should be given freedom and not be
restructed
Correct your spelling
restricted
 by the pressure of governments, but
also
 need to look over them every couple of months to ensure the country's safety.
Submitted by miss batool on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Work on developing and supporting each main point more fully. Try to provide more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Focus on improving the coherence in your writing by ensuring that each paragraph clearly connects to the main topic and flows logically from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the discussion and summarize the main points.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples to support your points, such as the drug facilities in Brazil and the Oxford researcher.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: