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Band 5

Some people think that the benefit of running a small business is to employ family members. What are the advantages and disadvantages of running a family business?

#people #benefit #business #members
In
this
 modern world era, every individual wants to be independent and have their own
business
. In
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 upcoming paragraphs, I will discuss both pros and cons of
this
. To
commnce
Correct your spelling
commence
 with, why
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 choose to write the advantages because all the family members have a chance to
now
Correct your spelling
know
show examples
 about their family thoughts in relation to
business
 and help each other.
Furthermore
,
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 next generation
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not have to think about
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 in relation to
business
 and they can earn from it. To exemplify, a survey conducted by
University
Correct article usage
the University
show examples
 Of Manitoba reveals that not only 70
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of people have their family
business
 so
as a result
 they have the time to spend with them but
also
 they all have jobs and are employed. Apart from it, there are some
disadavantages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
 of it.
Firstly
, all their family members are stuck only on their family
business
 and
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 get the chance to improve their skills in other businesses. In relation to
this
, people become rigid and only think of their ourselves only.
Moreover
, less dependency on other people as if they work
work
Remove the redundancy
apply
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in other
comapny
Correct your spelling
companies
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 difficult to have days off and
expecting
Wrong verb form
expect
show examples
 a good salary.
For example
, my family friend
is having
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 a bakery
business
 and all the members only show their all
hardwork
Correct your spelling
work
only
Rephrase
apply
show examples
in
bakery
Add an article
the bakery
show examples
business
 and end with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good input but now they do not think of other
peopel
Correct your spelling
people
 in
family
Add an article
a family
the family
show examples
 like their children to have some time for them.
To sum up
, no doubt there are
advanatges
Correct your spelling
advantages
 of having a family
business
 like they get to more about each other and like
business
 for
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 generation is ready. Even though, they miss their precious days of
enhacing
Correct your spelling
enhancing
 their personalities.
Submitted by yuvrajsinghsaggu200703 on

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language use
Try to be more consistent with your use of tenses to improve readability and accuracy.
coherence cohesion
Transitions between paragraphs could be smoother to enhance the flow of ideas.
task achievement
Include a more detailed introduction to clearly define the scope of the essay.
task achievement
The essay covers both the advantages and disadvantages of running a family business as required by the task.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear structure with a distinct introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
Relevant examples, like the University of Manitoba survey and the bakery business, provide concrete support to the points made.

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