In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this massage?

In every country on the earth, there is disagreement around the topic of giving different messages to adolescents. With regard to
this
topic, in many nations, juveniles always teach they can
accompolish
Correct your spelling
accomplish
anything if they work hard.
According to
my perspective, the pros of giving
this
message outweigh the cons.
To begin
with, there are numerous benefits to
give
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
this
lesson to young adults. Primarily, young
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
show examples
are active and fresh;
therefore
, they can learn anything easily. If family members or teachers will teach
this
lesson,
kids
can start hard working from
Correct article usage
the begining
show examples
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
.
Likewise
, if infants will hear
this
message again and again;
partically
Correct your spelling
particularly
partially
, they will set
aim
Correct pronoun usage
their aim
show examples
higher and will try to get out
from
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of
show examples
their comfort zone.
For example
, a recent survey conducted by Time News of India indicates that parents who support their
kids
and try to encourage them;
consequently
, their
kids
achieved
Wrong verb form
achieve
show examples
more
accompolishment
Correct your spelling
accomplishment
accomplishments
rather than that
gaurdians
Correct your spelling
guardians
who always
dimotivate
Correct your spelling
motivate
demotivate
their children.
On the contrary
, there is no doubt
this
statement has some detrimental effects. First and foremost, some parents
embark
Verb problem
put
show examples
extra pressure on their
kids
; henceforth, they start expecting
extra ordinary
Correct your spelling
extraordinary
show examples
things from their
kids
.
For instance
, an article written by The University of New York reflects that almost 10 out
9
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of 9
show examples
parents expect good academic scores from their
kids
. Unfortunately, in many
cases
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cases,
show examples
kids
become overwhelmed and start suffering from health-related problems
such
as depression and anxiety. In a nutshell, undoubtedly, giving positive messages to
kids
is substantial;
nevertheless
,
over
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apply
show examples
expectation
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expectations
show examples
from children in many cases become
pressing
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a pressing
show examples
problem for
kids
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kids'
kid's
show examples
overall
development.
Submitted by taniamall786 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance the use of transition words and phrases to better connect ideas and ensure a smoother flow of the essay. Consider using words like 'furthermore,' 'in addition,' or 'similarly' to link related points.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples and details to support the points discussed. For instance, including more real-world scenarios or anecdotal evidence can make the argument more persuasive and relatable.
Task Achievement
Avoid minor language inaccuracies such as spelling mistakes (e.g., 'accompolish' should be 'accomplish') and pay attention to slight grammatical errors to ensure the essay appears polished.
Task Achievement
The essay covers both advantages and disadvantages, providing a balanced perspective of the issue.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points, providing a clear ending to the discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay recognizes the complexity of the issue by acknowledging potential negative effects, showing depth of thought.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Encouragement
  • Motivation
  • Determination
  • Work Ethic
  • Persistence
  • Self-esteem
  • Confidence
  • Challenges
  • Unrealistic Expectations
  • Disappointment
  • Frustration
  • Limitations
  • External Factors
  • Pressure
  • Stress
  • Anxiety
  • Mental Health
What to do next:
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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