Home schooling belongs to the past and is unacceptable in modern society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Use your own knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence

Education
is key to success. During the past
some
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apply
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decades,
education
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the education
show examples
system modified or advanced to
much
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a much
the much
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greater extent. In modern society,
home
schooling
have
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has
show examples
been changed to contemporary learning criteria in schools, colleges and universities. I believe that learning in these institutes is more viable than
home
schooling, and accepted in modern society.
To begin
with, as
researches
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research
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and discoveries become quotidian nowadays; a lot of educational stuff
added
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is added
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in
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to
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students
'
syllabus
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syllabi
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.
Due to
additional
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the additional
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material of
advance
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advanced
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researches
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research
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, it is
neccesary
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necessary
to choose
tutor
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a tutor
show examples
with specialization. Every
parents
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parent
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may not be specialized in every field, so it is considered of paramount importance to
enroll
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enrol
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in
school
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a school
show examples
with teachers having advanced knowledge.
For example
,
reseach
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research
conducted by the newspaper "The Times of India"
suggest
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suggests
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that
students
who prefer schooling at
home
, are less likely to perform better than those who
enroll
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enrol
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in educational institutions.
Thus
, to enhance
students
' performance enrollment in schools and colleges is more important which
encourage
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encourages
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modern
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the modern
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era to renounce the historical educational system.
Secondly
, registration to educational institutions
foster
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fosters
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face-to-face interaction
,
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apply
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and
help
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helps
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students
to develop social
skils
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skills
show examples
. In
school
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schools
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and colleges,
students
interact with
students
of other religions,
behaviors
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behaviours
show examples
, cognitive levels and different
socities
Correct your spelling
societies
; that interaction gives rise to communication
skill
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skills
show examples
and provides a way to improve collaborative behaviour. For
examples
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example
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, a study conducted by Oxford University
demostrates
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demonstrates
demonstrated
that
students
who learn by
home
schooling
,
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apply
show examples
feels
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feel
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hesitation to communicate and
collborate
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collaborate
with others.
Therefore
, it is conclusively clear that enrollment in institutions
improve
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improves
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societal skills.
That is
why the past
education
criteria
is
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are
show examples
ignored. In conclusion, to develop social skills and provide accurate guidance,
day by day
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day-by-day
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modification in
education
Add an article
the education
show examples
system is of paramount importance.
Submitted by sangeetakamboz on

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task achievement
The essay effectively answers the question and presents a clear stance on the topic. However, it could benefit from a clearer distinction between 'agree' and 'disagree' points to fully explore the extent of your agreement or disagreement.
coherence cohesion
While the essay has an introduction and conclusion, the arguments in the body paragraphs could be better linked together to enhance coherence. This can be improved by using transitional phrases like 'Furthermore', 'In addition', and 'However'.
task achievement
The essay uses some examples, which are relevant, but they could be more detailed to increase their impact. Consider expanding on these examples to provide a broader context or deeper analysis.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, effectively framing the argument and summarizing your stance.
task achievement
The main points are generally supported with examples and references, such as the Times of India research and the Oxford University study.
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