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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some countries today have passed laws against smoking tobacco in public buildings such as offices and restaurants. Other countries have no intention of doing this. Consider the possible arguments on both sides of this debate, and reach your own conclusion on which side you favour.

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In several states, laws that prohibit tobacco smoking in public spaces have been enacted,
however
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, other states still have no initiation to do the same.
While
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 some opposing parties deny the idea because it appears to be a limitation of their rights, I side with those who support the policy
due to
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 its benefit to increase public health.  On the one hand, opponents of the non-smoking policy claim that
this
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 seems to create a meaningful barrier to their freedom of expression. They insist that public spaces should be opened for everyone, and folks can perform any activities that they want to do, including smoking.
For instance
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, the United States has not enacted
this
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regulation
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due to
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 the ideology of liberalism.
Moreover
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, critics of
this
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 law question the effectiveness of the restriction on smoking in buildings to reduce the number of
smokers
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. They tend to find a way to circumvent the
regulation
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,
such
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 as by finding outdoor areas or private spaces.  
On the contrary
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, the proponents of the smoking ban insist that the
regulation
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 can be considered a progressive idea to promote a healthy lifestyle.
Firstly
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, research finds out that passive
smokers
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 have the same risks as active
smokers
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 or maybe higher risks. These people are intensively exposed to the smoke, especially in cases where the office or restaurant does not have a decent air circulation system.
Therefore
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, they unconsciously breathe polluted air, which negatively affects their lungs and brain.
Secondly
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, with
this
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 policy,
smokers
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 perhaps reduce their cigarette intake. In some offices, the workers usually smoke
while
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 working, and by having
this
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regulation
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, they appear to be forced to lower their smoking intensity.
Thus
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, they consume fewer cigars, and their health status will gradually increase.  In conclusion, I tend to side with the supporters of smoking restriction. It seems reasonable to enact
this
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 in the best interests of society's well-being and
smokers
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' own health condition.

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Development of Arguments
To improve your essay, try to develop your arguments with more specific examples and data. This can enhance your task achievement score by providing more detailed evidence to support your points.
Argument Exploration
Consider exploring counterarguments more deeply to demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic. This will also help to further engage the reader.
Sentence Variety
Pay attention to varying your sentence structures to improve readability and flow. Using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences can make your writing more engaging.
Use of Transitions
Although your essay demonstrates a good level of coherence, you could enhance cohesion by using more transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas and paragraphs.
Structure
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and your conclusion neatly sums up your viewpoint. This structure is commendable.
Thesis Statement
You have a clear thesis statement that guides the reader through your argument, which is a strong aspect of your essay.
Paragraphing
The division of your essay into clear paragraphs, each with a distinct main idea, significantly aids its readability and coherence.
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