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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that schools are too competitive and that this has a negative impact on children. Others believe the competitive environment encourages children to achieve. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #schools #impact #children #environment
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Nowadays, some people argue that
due to
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increased
Correct article usage
the increased
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 competitiveness of
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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 children can have a hard time studying there.
However
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, I believe that
this
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 environment can help young adults to be more successful in the future.
Firstly
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, it can drastically improve students' performance. Because of the constant
competition
Add a comma
competition,
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 they will strive to be the best, which will lead to
the
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apply
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greater results
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at
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in
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 the end (even if the person wasn't the first).
For instance
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, research conducted in Russia shows that schools with a
lot
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 of competition among their students usually have much better test results in comparison to other schools.
Secondly
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, it can help them to be in the same environments without any damage to their mental health in the future. Based on my experience,
although
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 studying in school was hard and very competitive, it helped me a
lot
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 when I was starting my first job.
On the other hand
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, growing up in
this
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 environment can lead to a fear of making mistakes.
This
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 will not only negatively affect the studying process but
also
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 will have a negative impact on a person throughout his life. A great example is my friend, who has a fear of
making
Verb problem
doing
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 something wrong,
usually
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and usually
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 doesn't try a
lot
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 of new things, because of the fear of failing. Because of that he often misses great events,
such
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 as parties or conferences, that can be interesting to him. In conclusion, I think that having an environment with a
lot
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 of
competitions
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competition
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 among students has a great impact on young people studying there. It not only can help them achieve more in the future but
also
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 decrease the amount of stress they will experience at work or in adult life.
Submitted by isakov.iv1 on

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task achievement
Make sure to consistently support your points with specific examples and detailed explanations.
supporting main points
Ensure all main points are fully developed with relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Improve the flow between ideas to enhance coherence between different sections of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and organized introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
The argument presents a balanced discussion of both views.
coherence cohesion
Logical progression of ideas is mostly maintained throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • undue stress
  • academic achievement
  • critical thinking
  • interpersonal skills
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • social isolation
  • bullying
  • reduced collaboration
  • motivation
  • achieve their goals
  • resilience
  • perseverance
  • innovation
  • improvement
  • outperform
  • higher standards
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