Some people think that schools are too competitive and that this has a negative impact on children. Others believe the competitive environment encourages children to achieve. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, some people argue that
due to
increased
Correct article usage
the increased
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competitiveness of
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
children can have a hard time studying there.
However
, I believe that
this
environment can help young adults to be more successful in the future.
Firstly
, it can drastically improve students' performance. Because of the constant
competition
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competition,
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they will strive to be the best, which will lead to
the
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apply
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greater results
at
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in
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the end (even if the person wasn't the first).
For instance
, research conducted in Russia shows that schools with a
lot
of competition among their students usually have much better test results in comparison to other schools.
Secondly
, it can help them to be in the same environments without any damage to their mental health in the future. Based on my experience,
although
studying in school was hard and very competitive, it helped me a
lot
when I was starting my first job.
On the other hand
, growing up in
this
environment can lead to a fear of making mistakes.
This
will not only negatively affect the studying process but
also
will have a negative impact on a person throughout his life. A great example is my friend, who has a fear of
making
Verb problem
doing
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something wrong,
usually
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and usually
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doesn't try a
lot
of new things, because of the fear of failing. Because of that he often misses great events,
such
as parties or conferences, that can be interesting to him. In conclusion, I think that having an environment with a
lot
of
competitions
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competition
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among students has a great impact on young people studying there. It not only can help them achieve more in the future but
also
decrease the amount of stress they will experience at work or in adult life.
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supporting main points
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coherence cohesion
Improve the flow between ideas to enhance coherence between different sections of your essay.
coherence cohesion
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task achievement
The argument presents a balanced discussion of both views.
coherence cohesion
Logical progression of ideas is mostly maintained throughout the essay.

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • undue stress
  • academic achievement
  • critical thinking
  • interpersonal skills
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • social isolation
  • bullying
  • reduced collaboration
  • motivation
  • achieve their goals
  • resilience
  • perseverance
  • innovation
  • improvement
  • outperform
  • higher standards
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