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Band 7.5

some people think that students should take gap year to what extent do you agree

#people #students #gap #year
It is often argued whether
students
 should take a
year
 off after graduating from school.
While
 I concur that a
gap
year
 has significant benefits for
students
, I firmly assert that
this
 has adverse effects on their academic achievements. In
this
 essay, I will elucidate both the benefits and drawbacks of taking
this
 period of time One of the most obvious benefits of taking a
year
 off is that it ensures
students
 expand their knowledge.
In other words
, they are able to travel around the world, allowing them to discover new cultures
as well as
 taste local cuisine. To illustrate , youngsters can visit Turkey where they can witness the diversity of culture .
Moreover
, they can eat local dishes.
As a result
, young individuals can broaden their horizons.
Therefore
, taking a
gap
year
 seems to be beneficial to some extent. What is more, the juveniles are able to gain work experience during a
gap
year
.
For instance
, they can work as an office clerk in companies where junior staff are able to acquire not only work experience but
also
 essential skills
such
 as time management, making them more competitive in the market.
Nevertheless
, it is important to recognize that a
gap
year
 may have a negative impact on
students
'
further
 academic achievement.
this
 is because youngsters may lose the desire to study
further
 as travelling brings them a sense of recreation rather than studying.
Besides
, working in a company where youngsters are offered high salaries may lead them to abandon the idea of studying at university, thinking that higher education is a waste of time.
Consequently
, the juvenile tend to start their career without following their academic path. In conclusion,
while
 taking a
gap
year
 is undeniably a crucial part of education, I strongly believe that it must be organized accurately,
Otherwise
 ,
students
 may have serious issues with their academic life.
Submitted by pandatvin3 on

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task achievement
Ensure to provide even more specific examples to illustrate your points, which would enhance the task achievement section of the essay. Think of particular cases or statistics if possible.
coherence cohesion
The coherence and cohesion could benefit from additional linking phrases to clearly exhibit the flow of ideas. Consider using more transitions to emphasize connections between your thoughts.
coherence cohesion
Strong introduction and conclusion that clearly frame the argument, providing a good structure for the essay.
task achievement
Balanced discussion on the pros and cons of a gap year. The essay diligently elaborates on both views, which shows a good understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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