IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that buildings such as flats and houses should be designed to last a long time. Others believe that it is more important to provide accommodation quickly and cheaply. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowladge or experiance

#people #buildings #flats #houses #time #accommodation #knowladge #experiance
Some believe that the purpose of
building's
Change noun form
building
show examples
design
Fix the agreement mistake
designs
show examples
 like flats and houses ought to
last
 for a long term,
while
 others are of the opinion that accommodation should be supplied rapidly and cheaply. In my view,
long dated
Add a hyphen
long-dated
show examples
 buildings must be prioritized rather than
establishing
Wrong verb form
established
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 to sell more and for a reasonable price, because the background will be strong enough to resist again earthquakes or tornados. Engineers had better concentrate on
foundations
Correct article usage
the foundations
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 of the places that every
human kind
Correct your spelling
humankind
show examples
 lives in, cause the building
is relied
Change to the active voice
relies
has relied
show examples
 on the foundation.
Moreover
, in third world
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
country
Add a comma
country,
show examples
 it is obvious that people suffer from the destruction of their homes
due to
 weak foundations. It is especially fundamental for the territories where they face frequently natural disasters
such
 as Indonesia.
On the other hand
,
as a result
 of
fast
Add an article
the fast
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 growth of population all around the world, companies should focus on setting up more constructions for accommodation. Because in some countries
such
 as India and China,
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
 struggle with overpopulation.
Therefore
, officials tend to construct more flats and houses cheaply in those lands. Personally,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 think that the building process has to be observed carefully by professionals so that neither humans nor constructions
is
Change the verb form
are
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 harmed in catastrophe cases.
For example
, in Japan, authorities
make
Wrong verb form
made
show examples
 up a new rule that new apartments are supposed to
found
Add a missing verb
be found
show examples
 to endure earthquakes.
Thus
, today
although
 they experience very harmful earthquakes any
aparments
Correct your spelling
apartments
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 not fallen down so far. Some people believe that properties
has
Change the verb form
have
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 to
generated
Add a missing verb
be generated
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 to live longer,
whereas
 others think it is essential to have structures cheaply and in a short timeframe. In my opinion, properties should be built up for
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
 term so as to protect human beings from disasters.
Submitted by novruzluahmed2007 on

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clarity
Try to enhance clarity and comprehensiveness in some areas by structuring your sentences more clearly. For example, instead of "...had better concentrate...cause... relied on the foundation," consider, "...should focus on the foundations, as the structural integrity of a building depends on them."
examples
Strengthen your argument by providing more detailed examples or data that support your viewpoints, especially in paragraphs discussing rapid and cheap accommodation needs.
task response
You've presented a balanced discussion of both perspectives, where each view is elaborated with reasons and examples, aligning with the task requirements.
relevant support
Effective use of geographical examples like Indonesia and Japan, which enhances the relevance of the argument to real-world occurrences.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion clearly frame the argument, which is crucial for coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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