IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some of people believe that unpaid community service should be compulsory part of high school programs(for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programs #charity #neighbourhood #sports #children
There is an ongoing debate over whether volunteer social work should be mandatory or not. Many individuals believe that these services are able to negatively affect the
students
 as a means of drop in academic performance,
while
 I mostly agree that these actions should be compulsory for various reasons. Admittedly, forcing high school
students
 to participate in volunteer
programs
 can lead to a decline in their learning.
Students
 devote more time to these activities rather than high school, which contributes to them getting tired of them and resulting in bad performance in their educational life. Apart from these drawbacks, the participants of these kinds of
programs
 should be willing to do
.
Rephrase
so.
show examples
This
 means that
students
 have no desire to help the people which leads to a negative attitude towards the people.
Nevertheless
, unpaid community service is an integral part of the growing individuals in order to pursue a career path.
In other words
, the
students
 obtain their primary experience and it can widen their horizons, and enhance their skills
such
 as problem-solving, interpersonal and leadership.
Additionally
, attending the
programs
 is able to improve their resume(CV) and increase their future prospects. As an example,
students
also
 participate the volunteer
programs
 in order to acquire real-world problems. In conclusion,
while
 mandatory attendance in community service could contribute to the weakening of academic abilities, I think that these actions can improve their skills and resume.
Submitted by checkmyessay9 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Expand on your supporting arguments with specific examples and further elaboration. This will help to fully persuade the reader and strengthen your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to maintain a logical flow throughout your essay.
task achievement
Consider addressing counterarguments more explicitly to demonstrate a balanced perspective and increase the depth of your essay.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear introduction that outlines your stance on the topic and a concise conclusion. This helps the reader to easily identify your main argument and final thoughts.
task achievement
You've identified both potential benefits and drawbacks of compulsory community service in high schools, showing an understanding of different perspectives.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: