IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Write about the following topic: Some people say that school education is not useful and the essence of study can be acquired at home. Do you agree? Why or why not? Use reasons and specific examples to explain your answer.

#topic #people #school #education #essence #study #home
The bar chart depicts variations in
expenditure
 on cars, computers, books, perfume, and cameras in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
Kingdom
 and
France
 in 2010. As reflected by the y-axis the
expenditure
 of two countries on consumer goods is measured from zero to 500000
pounds
 sterling with intervals of 50
thousand
. At first glance, it becomes clear that each subsequent group becomes cheaper in
France
, but does not always continue to be cheaper than in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
Kingdom
. In more detail,
expenditure
 on cars in
France
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 400000
pounds
 sterling
while
 in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 it
costs
 about 500000, which makes it the largest column in the entire chart. The next group, unlike the
first,
shows that the cost of computers in
France
 is
more
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
 and amounts to over 350
thousand
pounds
 than in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
Kingdom
. In the book category,
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 spends more money than
France
.
Expenditure
 on books in
France
 is 300000
pounds
 sterling
while
 in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
Kingdom
 it
costs
 approximately 500000
pounds
 sterling. The lowest cost in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 is for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
perfume which is about 150
thousand
whereas
 in
France
 it
costs
 exactly 200
thousand
pounds
 sterling. The final group gives information about
expenditure
 on cameras. In
France
Add a comma
France,
show examples
 it
costs
 150000
while
 in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
Kingdom
 it doubled.
To sum up
,
expenditure
 on all consumer goods presented in
chart
Correct article usage
the chart
show examples
 usually is higher in the
UK
.
However
, columns of computers and perfume
costs
 more in
France
.
Submitted by khotkina.ma on

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task achievement
To enhance task achievement, ensure that each part of the essay is well-supported with relevant examples and explanations. For instance, when explaining expenditure comparisons, you could provide reasons or further analysis on why differences occur.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical structure by organizing the information in a more thematic way, focusing on one aspect at a time (e.g., how different goods are prioritized by each country). This will improve the flow and make comparisons clearer.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear response to the task, effectively comparing expenditures between the UK and France.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, providing a clear summary and closing to the essay.
coherence cohesion
Main points are well articulated, with sufficient examples given for each consumer good category discussed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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