IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Write about the following topic: Some people say that school education is not useful and the essence of study can be acquired at home. Do you agree? Why or why not? Use reasons and specific examples to explain your answer.

#topic #people #school #education #essence #study #home
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The bar chart depicts variations in
expenditure
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 on cars, computers, books, perfume, and cameras in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
Kingdom
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 and
France
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 in 2010. As reflected by the y-axis the
expenditure
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 of two countries on consumer goods is measured from zero to 500000
pounds
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 sterling with intervals of 50
thousand
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. At first glance, it becomes clear that each subsequent group becomes cheaper in
France
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, but does not always continue to be cheaper than in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
Kingdom
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. In more detail,
expenditure
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 on cars in
France
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are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 400000
pounds
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 sterling
while
Linking Words
 in
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 it
costs
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 about 500000, which makes it the largest column in the entire chart. The next group, unlike the
first,
Linking Words
shows that the cost of computers in
France
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 is
more
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
 and amounts to over 350
thousand
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pounds
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 than in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
Kingdom
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. In the book category,
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 spends more money than
France
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.
Expenditure
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 on books in
France
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 is 300000
pounds
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 sterling
while
Linking Words
 in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
Kingdom
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 it
costs
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 approximately 500000
pounds
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 sterling. The lowest cost in
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 is for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
perfume which is about 150
thousand
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whereas
Linking Words
 in
France
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 it
costs
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 exactly 200
thousand
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pounds
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 sterling. The final group gives information about
expenditure
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 on cameras. In
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France
Add a comma
France,
show examples
 it
costs
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 150000
while
Linking Words
 in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
Kingdom
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 it doubled.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
expenditure
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 on all consumer goods presented in
chart
Correct article usage
the chart
show examples
 usually is higher in the
UK
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.
However
Linking Words
, columns of computers and perfume
costs
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 more in
France
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by khotkina.ma on

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task achievement
To enhance task achievement, ensure that each part of the essay is well-supported with relevant examples and explanations. For instance, when explaining expenditure comparisons, you could provide reasons or further analysis on why differences occur.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical structure by organizing the information in a more thematic way, focusing on one aspect at a time (e.g., how different goods are prioritized by each country). This will improve the flow and make comparisons clearer.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear response to the task, effectively comparing expenditures between the UK and France.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, providing a clear summary and closing to the essay.
coherence cohesion
Main points are well articulated, with sufficient examples given for each consumer good category discussed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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