IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reason for this rise in obesity? How could it be tackled?

#world #societies #obesity #children #adults #reason #rise
Overall
, based on the chart provided, we can analyze the expenditure on consumer goods in
France
 and the
UK
 for the year 2010. The
UK
 likely had higher expenditure on cars compared to
France
 in 2010,
people
 who live in
France
 spent less than
people
 from the
UK
 by 50,000
pounds
 sterling. Expenditure on computers might show a significant difference, with
France
which spent
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 approximately 375,000
pounds
 sterling
during
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2010. We can see that
France
 is investing more in technology than the
UK
. The difference between the two countries is 25,000
pounds
 sterling. The
UK
 spent 400,000
pounds
 sterling on books in 2010,
while
France
 spent 100,000
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
pounds
 sterling than the
UK
. With
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
 we can understand that
people
 from the
UK
 bought books more often than
people
 from
France
 in 2010.
People
 from
France
 spent over 200,000
pounds
 sterling on perfume as a consumer product in 2010
nevertheless
 the
UK
 spent 140,000
pounds
 sterling as can be seen from the graph. The difference between the two countries is 60,000 in comparison with
France
 Camera spending can indicate interest in photographs. It is noticeable that the most expenses in the
UK
 because they spent around 360,000
pounds
 sterling in 2010.
Submitted by khotkina.ma on

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Introduction & Conclusion
Include a clear introduction that frames the analysis of the data, and a conclusion summarizing the key points made. This will enhance the completeness of the response.
Examples
Ensure every example provided clearly supports the sentences and overall analysis, further enhancing the strength of your response.
Coherence
The essay is structured logically with body paragraphs that correspond to the data provided.
Task Achievement
A wide range of data has been mentioned and analyzed effectively, showing a good understanding of the chart information.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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