All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reason for this rise in obesity? How could it be tackled?

Overall
, based on the chart provided, we can analyze the expenditure on consumer goods in
France
and the
UK
for the year 2010. The
UK
likely had higher expenditure on cars compared to
France
in 2010,
people
who live in
France
spent less than
people
from the
UK
by 50,000
pounds
sterling. Expenditure on computers might show a significant difference, with
France
which spent
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
approximately 375,000
pounds
sterling
during
Change preposition
in
show examples
2010. We can see that
France
is investing more in technology than the
UK
. The difference between the two countries is 25,000
pounds
sterling. The
UK
spent 400,000
pounds
sterling on books in 2010,
while
France
spent 100,000
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
pounds
sterling than the
UK
. With
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
we can understand that
people
from the
UK
bought books more often than
people
from
France
in 2010.
People
from
France
spent over 200,000
pounds
sterling on perfume as a consumer product in 2010
nevertheless
the
UK
spent 140,000
pounds
sterling as can be seen from the graph. The difference between the two countries is 60,000 in comparison with
France
Camera spending can indicate interest in photographs. It is noticeable that the most expenses in the
UK
because they spent around 360,000
pounds
sterling in 2010.
Submitted by khotkina.ma on

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Introduction & Conclusion
Include a clear introduction that frames the analysis of the data, and a conclusion summarizing the key points made. This will enhance the completeness of the response.
Examples
Ensure every example provided clearly supports the sentences and overall analysis, further enhancing the strength of your response.
Coherence
The essay is structured logically with body paragraphs that correspond to the data provided.
Task Achievement
A wide range of data has been mentioned and analyzed effectively, showing a good understanding of the chart information.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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