Some people believe that governments should make laws about people’s nutrition and food choice while others argue that it is their choice. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some believe that officials are supposed to make new rules about
food
choice and people
's alimentation, whereas
others think that it is up to them. In my view, as we are living in the
independent world, humans have to have Correct article usage
an
Correct article usage
the rights
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
for
free choices, because Change preposition
to
otherwise
people
are not willing to obey the laws and
Correct word choice
apply
occur
a surge in crime in the future.
On the one hand, as the ratio of overweight Verb problem
causing
people
increasing
, governments should take Wrong verb form
increases
actions
in order to prevent Fix the agreement mistake
action
this
disorder, therefore
bringin
new laws to the public is the best option. Correct your spelling
bringing
bring in
For example
, for
over recent decades consumption of fast Change preposition
apply
food
has been rising significantly in western
countries like Capitalize word
Western
USA
and Correct article usage
the USA
Netherlands
. Correct article usage
the Netherlands
Moreover
, the number of diabetes has an upward trend because of fast food
, thus
authorities are able to restrain with new regulations.
On the other hand
, human rights must be preserved in today's world so that human beings can have their own preferences. Democracy should be implemented to
Change preposition
in
people
's lives, otherwise
countries ought to be ready for considerable revolts. Add a comma
otherwise,
For instance
, in Europe, population
has more vegans, so Add an article
the population
legislation
goes against them there will be potential rebellions which will affect Correct word choice
if legislation
government's
domination.
Personally, Correct article usage
the government's
liberacy
is Correct your spelling
literacy
more
vital to Correct quantifier usage
apply
sustain
Change the verb form
sustaining
good
and long-term life. Nowadays, human kinds do not like to have dominance over them and creating rules for Correct article usage
a good
food
option
endangers officials with Fix the agreement mistake
options
disobediences
or Fix the agreement mistake
disobedience
commiting
crimes in the following years. The best way to approach and impact their mindset is Correct your spelling
committing
setting
up informative events about healthy nutrition etc.
Some Change preposition
by setting
people
assume that authorities had
better Wrong verb form
have
manage
Wrong verb form
managed
human's
nourishment and Change noun form
human
the
Correct article usage
apply
food
option
, Fix the agreement mistake
options
while
others think that it is more
essential to have independent Correct quantifier usage
apply
choice
. In my opinion, today Fix the agreement mistake
choices
people
's requirement from government
is social liberation or they Add an article
the government
threathen
Correct your spelling
threaten
threatened
with going
against the laws.Change preposition
to go
Submitted by novruzluahmed2007 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Ensure all arguments are supported with clear examples and evidence. The examples provided, while relevant, could be further elaborated to strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on making the transitions between ideas smoother for better flow. While there's a logical order, transitions can be improved to enhance readability.
task achievement
Some points could use a little more clarity. Rephrasing some sentences can help present ideas more comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, outlining the main points effectively.
task achievement
Both sides of the argument are discussed, showing a balanced approach to the topic.
task achievement
The use of real-world examples like the increase of veganism in Europe effectively supports the argument presented.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.