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Writing Samples
Band 5

The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to control violent crimes in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this action?

#government #control #amount #violence #films #television #crimes #society #action
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Had been argued, that countries should modify the amount of violence and crimes in any entertainment industry.
Onthe
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On the
 other hand, others believe that it should be the citizen's responsibility and that the nation does not have the right to control it. I believe that the country should minimise the amount of aggressive content
in
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on
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televisions
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television
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 and movies. Humanity is designed by god to seek attention, some people have control over it and others may commit any action for it. it is passively embedded in our creation.
However
,movies may encourage citizens to the commitment of crimes as it has increased simultaneously with the report tools enhancement.
For example
, in Romania there is a child named Mohammed by the age of 10 committed a crime at his school.
Moreover
, he got access to his father's weapon in killed 9 to 10 people, the main reason was his parents' careless actions in their child as he got inspired by a movie which led to him mimicking the movie's action.
Therefore
,
unfortunately
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unfortunately,
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 the percentage of unpleasant accidents at schools in the United States increased significantly after that disaster because they were influenced by that accident. In my opinion, to lessen that phenomenon in society the states should decrease the exposure of aggressive movies and review any entertainment matter before it puplish.
However
, another major cause is social media, the expansion of it has affected society as any unsatisfying news will spread at a fast pace. In conclusion, crimes have become more prevalent recently, and the nation should find a solution to it
especially
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, especially
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 after the technological evolution it has grown much in the
last
 century
Submitted by ameralimise3 on

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coherence cohesion
Improve sentence structure and coherence to enhance the logical flow of your arguments.
task achievement
Provide clearer and more comprehensive ideas with better explanation and development of points.
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Avoid repeating similar ideas. Focus on expanding different supporting details and examples.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, addressing the task effectively.
task achievement
Relevant example provided to support the idea of movies influencing violent behavior.
task achievement
A clear stance is maintained throughout the essay, which aligns with the task prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proliferation
  • normalize
  • desensitize
  • propensity
  • vulnerable populations
  • impressionable
  • emulate
  • stifles
  • creative freedom
  • censorship
  • slippery slope
  • media literacy
  • conclusively proven
  • socioeconomic conditions
  • mental health services
  • age ratings
  • content warnings
  • artistic freedom
  • informed choices
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