IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

To improve the job prospects, some people want the secondery schools to spend more time teaching communication and business skills and spend less time teaching history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is true some people want to improve their job prospects in
apply
Verb problem
apply
show examples
secondary schools by spending more time teaching
communication
Use synonyms
 and
business
Use synonyms
skills
Use synonyms
 and applying less time teaching history.
Additionally
Linking Words
, I agree with the opinion, It is because these days there are many jobs that need
communication
Use synonyms
 and
business
Use synonyms
skills
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, learning
communication
Use synonyms
 and
business
Use synonyms
skills
Use synonyms
 will be more useless than learning the others. As I have said before, being prepared to learn
communication
Use synonyms
 and
business
Use synonyms
skills
Use synonyms
 will help us in the future.
As a result
Linking Words
, if
someone
Use synonyms
 has learned these
skills
Use synonyms
 when they are at secondary school
apply
Verb problem
apply
show examples
it can help to be prepared for the sustainable off-job. In
this
Linking Words
 era applying everything needed for these
skills
Use synonyms
apply
Verb problem
apply
show examples
will be beneficial for those
who
Change the pronoun
whom
show examples
someone
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 these
skills
Use synonyms
. It is because
apply
Verb problem
apply
show examples
like a
business
Use synonyms
 applies if the market offers higher rather than the supplier applies the product will be expensive and rare.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, is applied at one of the highest prices in the market or office.
Thus
Linking Words
, if
someone
Use synonyms
 has these
skills
Use synonyms
 it means they can get a lot of money from the job and it will be easier than
someone
Use synonyms
 do not have these
skills
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, learning these
skills
Use synonyms
 has some problems for them especially if
someone
Use synonyms
 learned from secondary school.
This
Linking Words
 is because applying it
skills
Use synonyms
 is more difficult to learn than others and it will be burned for them to apply especially if
someone
Use synonyms
 does not like it or does not want to be a worker. In conclusion, I believe that to improve
apply
Verb problem
apply
show examples
job prospects one needs some
skills
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
communication
Use synonyms
 and
business
Use synonyms
skills
Use synonyms
. It is because
apply
Verb problem
apply
show examples
there are several reasons apply why I suppose the opinion.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the knowledge of getting these
skills
Use synonyms
 applied will be burned for the children

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your essay needs to address the topic more clearly by focusing on how teaching communication and business skills might improve job prospects compared to teaching history. Currently, the response is a bit vague and lacks depth.
coherence cohesion
Working on structuring your essay logically will greatly help. Ensure each paragraph flows from one to the next, supporting your main points. It feels a bit disjointed at the moment.
task response
Try to provide more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. This makes your points more persuasive and grounded.
introduction
You have stated a clear opinion in your introduction, which is good for setting the stage for your arguments.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: