To improve the job prospects, some people want the secondery schools to spend more time teaching communication and business skills and spend less time teaching history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#job #prospects #people #secondery #schools #time #communication #business #skills #history

It is true some people want to improve their job prospects in

apply

Verb problem

apply

show examples

secondary schools by spending more time teaching

communication

and

business

skills

and applying less time teaching history.

Additionally

, I agree with the opinion, It is because these days there are many jobs that need

communication

and

business

skills

Therefore

, learning

communication

and

business

skills

will be more useless than learning the others. As I have said before, being prepared to learn

communication

and

business

skills

will help us in the future.

As a result

, if

someone

has learned these

skills

when they are at secondary school

apply

Verb problem

apply

show examples

it can help to be prepared for the sustainable off-job. In

this

era applying everything needed for these

skills

apply

Verb problem

apply

show examples

will be beneficial for those

who

Change the pronoun

whom

show examples

someone

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

these

skills

. It is because

apply

Verb problem

apply

show examples

like a

business

applies if the market offers higher rather than the supplier applies the product will be expensive and rare.

In addition

to that, is applied at one of the highest prices in the market or office.

Thus

, if

someone

has these

skills

it means they can get a lot of money from the job and it will be easier than

someone

do not have these

skills

On the other hand

, learning these

skills

has some problems for them especially if

someone

learned from secondary school.

This

is because applying it

skills

is more difficult to learn than others and it will be burned for them to apply especially if

someone

does not like it or does not want to be a worker. In conclusion, I believe that to improve

apply

Verb problem

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show examples

job prospects one needs some

skills

such

communication

and

business

skills

. It is because

apply

Verb problem

apply

show examples

there are several reasons apply why I suppose the opinion.

In contrast

, the knowledge of getting these

skills

applied will be burned for the children

Submitted by millionmiles.indonesia on Wed Oct 30 2024

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task response

Your essay needs to address the topic more clearly by focusing on how teaching communication and business skills might improve job prospects compared to teaching history. Currently, the response is a bit vague and lacks depth.

coherence cohesion

Working on structuring your essay logically will greatly help. Ensure each paragraph flows from one to the next, supporting your main points. It feels a bit disjointed at the moment.

task response

Try to provide more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. This makes your points more persuasive and grounded.

introduction

You have stated a clear opinion in your introduction, which is good for setting the stage for your arguments.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

307 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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To improve the job prospects, some people want the secondery schools to spend more time teaching communication and business skills and spend less time teaching history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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