IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Buying things on the internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, there has been increasing
demands
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demand
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 for buying
infrustructure
Correct your spelling
infrastructure
 needs, including books, air tickets, and groceries. There are some pros and cons regarding
this
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 issue, and I believe the merit of
parchasing
Correct your spelling
purchasing
 whatever we need
override
Correct subject-verb agreement
overrides
show examples
 its demerits.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, online shops may not be reliable for some
of
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apply
show examples
individuals since they are more likely to be victims of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fraud or
a
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apply
show examples
scam
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scams
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, as soon as they order anything on the internet.
This
Linking Words
 results in making them feel insecure with
regards
Fix the agreement mistake
regard
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 to
parchase
Correct your spelling
purchase
 items online.
Moreover
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, it can be time-consuming for customers under some circumstances, which means the
parchases
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purchases
 might receive
to
Change preposition
by
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 buyers later than they expect.
In other words
Linking Words
, there is a delay in getting their orders;
this
Linking Words
 can be
due to
Linking Words
 the air conditions,
traffic
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and traffic
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congestions
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congestion
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, to name but a few.
on the other hand
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, it is not always doom and gloom; the
benfits
Correct your spelling
benefits
 of ordering online would be far overpower its negative points. First and foremost, in comparison with physical stores, which may cause inconvenience in some situations, convenience is the most crucial merit of shopping online as buyers can stay home and browse on their phones in order to buy whatever they need.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there are a number of
platfoms
Correct your spelling
platforms
 for shopping on the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
, ranging from popular to unfamiliar ones which offer unbelievable discounts, owing to
compete
Wrong verb form
competing
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 with their rivals.
This
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 not only can be
beneficial
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apply
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for business
owner
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owners
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, but it is
also
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 for consumers because they
do not
Verb problem
cannot
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 afford
for
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apply
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some items which
values
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valued
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 more than their prices.
To conclude
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, these days there is a substantial demand for
parchasing
Correct your spelling
purchasing
 goods on the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
. From my point of view, the advantages of
this
Linking Words
 matter far overpower its disadvantages since both
costumers
Correct your spelling
customers
show examples
 and
seller
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sellers
show examples
 can take advantage of shopping online, namely
enjoing
Correct your spelling
enjoying
 the convenience and reasonable prices,
while
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 it may
some
Add a missing verb
have some
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 drawbacks which are not considered in comparison with its
benfits
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benefits
such
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 as lacking
of
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apply
show examples
saving time and being a victim of a scam or fraud.

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task achievement
The essay addresses the task prompt and presents an argument that the benefits of online shopping outweigh the disadvantages. However, the response could be more complete by providing further specific examples to support the claims.
task achievement
While the ideas are generally clear, some sentences lack clarity due to minor grammatical errors or awkward phrasing. Work on sentence structure to ensure your ideas are communicated more effectively.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of ideas is evident, and the essay is structured with an introduction and conclusion. However, the main points need clearer support and connection throughout the body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Consider using more linking words and phrases to improve the cohesion between sentences and paragraphs, enhancing the overall logical progression of ideas.
coherence cohesion
The introduction presents the topic effectively and outlines your argument clearly.
coherence cohesion
You concluded with a summary of your main points, reinforcing your argument that the benefits are greater.
task achievement
You recognized several pros and cons of online shopping, showing an understanding of the topic's complexity.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience
  • time-saving
  • wide selection
  • competitive prices
  • discounts
  • accessibility
  • global marketplace
  • availability
  • fraud
  • scams
  • lack of
  • physical interaction
  • personal experience
  • impersonal
  • customer service
  • delays
  • delivery
  • return process
What to do next:
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